Fabulous Film Friday

21



Who loves Kevin Spacey???



I do, I do! So of course today's feature film has to include a Kevin Spacey film. And I have always thought Kate Bosworth was worth mentioning.



I don't care what any of you say, but Blue Crush is still one of my favorite movies to watch on a Sunday afternoon. But, back to 21, it is supposedly a true story and I love watching films that glorify actual events.

Movie synopsis from Yahoo! Movies:

The true story of the very brightest young minds in the country - and how they took Vegas for millions. Ben Campbell is a shy, brilliant M.I.T. student who -- needing to pay school tuition -- finds the answers in the cards. He is recruited to join a group of the school's most gifted students that heads to Vegas every weekend armed with fake identities and the know-how to turn the odds at blackjack in their favor. With unorthodox math professor and stats genius Micky Rosa leading the way, they've cracked the code. By counting cards and employing an intricate system of signals, the team can beat the casinos big time. Seduced by the money, the Vegas lifestyle, and by his smart and sexy teammate, Jill Taylor, Ben begins to push the limits. Though counting cards isn't illegal, the stakes are high, and the challenge becomes not only keeping the numbers straight, but staying one step ahead of the casinos' menacing enforcer: Cole Williams.


And of course the movie trailer:

Jewelry, Scrapbooking, and Lovely Company

I know, I know. Everyone wants to know how wonderful of a time I had in Paris. But, since I have been home, I have had more important and more exciting events controlling my life. I assure you though, I will have plenty of Paris photos and anecdotes to share with you shortly, but this entry is far more needed.

This past week has been spent running around, sitting around, eating around, shopping around, and getting to know my half sister and her getting to know our ENTIRE family…or so it seems to be the ENTIRE family. In addition to the fun getting to know you of the big sis, I have never spent so much time with my Aunt and my cousins. And this past week has been wonderful.

Without going into grave detail about this past week, I will keep this blurb down to the likes and dislikes. Let me start with my dislikes: Jewelry and Scrapbooking!!!!!

I have discovered this past week that I am the complete opposite and most contradicting form of ALL the women in my family. I am the runt and the elephant in the room in my insecure views of me with my family. Most females and especially the women in my family love jewelry. I certainly am blessed to not have this trait, which will allow for a more fruitful bank account balance now and in the future…in retrospect, I will probably spend the “what could have been jewelry” money on traveling, so I probably will be less fortunate in the end. But matching rings is what these women want and even though I am not a jewelry fanatic, the rings are pretty and are pretty neat…I guess. So my sis bought one to match and I will continue to think about it.

Now, let’s talk about scrapbooking. The idea is great. The final product is timeless. BUT the process, the cost, and the obsession are absolutely not for me. So, this means… obviously, that the wonderful world of scrapbooking is right up the alleys of the lovely ladies that share the same bloodline as I.

So, after a little jewelry shopping and scrapbook store shopping (YES! They have actual stores…more than 1…dedicated strictly to scrapbooking! Ack!) I am still alive and in great spirits. I will even offer one positive to both addictions: There is actually a ring I am considering only because my sis bought one and it would be kinda neat to have matching rings. Scrapbooking does have some pretty paper. That’s it. That is all you will get out of me.

So, more importantly, what is my point and my likes? Although I do not enjoy these things and bad habits :)LOL... I do absolutely and without any doubt enjoy and love the company. I will jewelry shop and scrapbook shop with you lovely ladies anytime just because y’all are a riot to be around. You make me laugh, you make me happy, and you make me so grateful to have such a normal and loving family.

Fabulous Film Friday

10,000 B.C.



I think this movie looks pretty kick ass. I am not normally a fan and I rarely get excited about films that have obvious fake oversized wicked looking animals that will later be either your friend or foe...take your unexpected pick. Historical films or films about the future that I cannot and will not be able to ever fathom as realisitc rarely ever make my movie likes either. I admit...be prepared...that I never wanted to make it to the theater and I never got my panties in a wad about the Star Wars films, the Lord of the Rings films, or Harry Potter. I know...blasphemy is me. Get over it.

BUT! I am super stoked about the new movie 10,000 B.C. This films looks way wicked cool and interesting...to say the least. For some reason I like the word "wicked" today. Work with me.

Synopsis (from yahoo):
A young hunter is forced to lead a small group of hunters to pursue a band of mysterious warlords to the end of the world to save the girl he loves.

The above synopsis kinda lacked/sucked. So I went to the 10,000 B.C site and found a much better description:

From director Roland Emmerich (“Independence Day,” “The Day After Tomorrow”) comes a sweeping odyssey into a mythical age of prophesies and gods, when spirits rule the land and mighty mammoths shake the earth.
In a remote mountain tribe, the young hunter D’Leh (Steven Strait) has found his heart’s passion – the beautiful Evolet (Camilla Belle). But when a band of mysterious warlords raid his village and kidnap Evolet, D’Leh leads a small group of hunters to pursue the warlords to the end of the world to save her. As they venture into unknown lands for the first time, the group discovers there are civilizations beyond their own and that mankind’s reach is far greater than they ever knew. At each encounter the group is joined by other tribes who have been attacked by the slave raiders, turning D’Leh’s once-small band into an army.
Driven by destiny, the unlikely warriors must battle prehistoric predators while braving the harshest elements. At their heroic journey’s end, they uncover a lost civilization and learn their ultimate fate lies in an empire beyond imagination, where great pyramids reach into the skies.
Here they will take their stand against a tyrannical god who has brutally enslaved their own. And it is here that D’Leh finally comes to understand that he has been called to save not only Evolet but all of civilization.
Warner Bros. Pictures presents, in association with Legendary Pictures, a Centropolis Production of a Roland Emmerich film: “10,000 BC,” starring Steven Strait, Camilla Belle and Cliff Curtis.

No wonder I think I am going to like it! It's a damn love story!

Steven Straight: Where did this little cutie come from??





And Camille Belle...Isn't she absolutely adorable??





Here is the trailer from you tube. I found one with Greek subtitles and thought it was only appropriate.

What Would You Do With $200 Million

Do you play POWERBALL?? I normally don't only because I forget to buy a ticket. I'd actually love to have a bad habit of getting a POWERBALL ticket every Wednesday and Saturday. But the POWERBALL is up to $200 MILLION with a take home cash value of $99.2 Million!!!

So, what would you do? First, would you take the lump sum of $99.2 million or have them disupurse it out over however many years?

I would tell them to take their dumb taxes and give me the rest now!! But what would I do with almost $100 million?

1. Pay off my house.
2. Pay off my car.
3. Pay off my parent's house.
4. Pay off all debt I have and my parent's have.
5. But new home with land for myself and buy my parent's a new one too.
6. TRAVEL!
7. I'd probably buy a vacation home somewhere.
8. DONATE. I'd definately donate money to various charities. Mostly for starving and underpriviledged children and diseases that need cures.
9. Invest.
10. Live a comfortable lifestyle but not luxurious. I want that money to draw INTEREST, baby!
11. Write. I'd sit on my butt and write for a good time.

Sadly, I would expect my frugal ways would still emerge and exist on a daily basis. I'd give more money away and spend it on others rather than on myself.

What would you do with almost $100 million??!!!

You Know?

You know those days that feel completely off kilter and you feel like you are functioning out of your own body and mind. I made a comment to someone today that was the only thing that made complete sense to me..."I think my mind took the day off and failed to send me the memo."

So, true. I was forgetful. I forgot in just a few moments what I wanted to say more than once. And I normally remember the most mundane of details. I left something at work only to realize it half way home. I absolutely needed it, so I had to turn around and head back to my office...talk about crapping all over my own cornflakes. I completely lost my entire day in doing "stuff" rather than enjoying the nice afternoon. Then I had to come home and work late on other obligations to bring home the bacon. The worst of it all? I know I was rediculously productive today, but nothing feels as if it had any significance. It's already forgotten. I think I am on overload and it is way past my bedtime.

I am ready to move on to a new day and hopefully I can remember it.

Horoscopic Thoughts

Yes, I am one of those optimistic, hopeful, and rediculously gullable people who enjoy reading their horoscope everyday. No, I am not a devil worshipper and I am not a freak...at least not in the mystic sense. IT'S FUN. So, this is my "Quickie" horoscope for today: Your ideas are just as good as anyone else's ideas -- promote your thoughts today.


Here are my thoughts:

1. I regularly "promote" my thoughts everyday. Sometimes too much. Does this mean I should promote them twice as much today? Because whoever gets the brunt of that ranting is surely getting the short ass end of the twig. sucks for you.


2. I came across this photo and article on yahoo. My thoughts? I'll give you the censored "G" rated version: Dang, shoot, holy poppy sticks. and firefighters are so giving.


Firefighters Charlie Schmidt, left, and John Stewart, both of Vancouver, Wash., fire dept., pick up their gear and head out after resting following racing up 1,311 stairs in competition Sunday, March 2, 2008, in the Columbia Center tower in Seattle. More than 1,000 firefighters from throughout the U.S., as well as Canada and New Zealand, raced 788 vertical feet up 69 floors in the 17th annual stair climb at the tower, in a benefit for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.
(AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)

3. I am extraordinarily hungry today. More than usual and I am normally always pretty hungry. What am I having for lunch? A lean cuisine. Probably why I am always so hungry, huh? But if I eat two lean cuisines, would that defeat the purpose? or is it still better than eating a whataburger burger, fries, and a chocolate milk shake? Because although I absolutely dislike fastfood, it is sounding quite tasty.

4. Should I feel guilty for writing this blog while at work? nah.

5. Countdown to Paris trip: 6 days, 3 hrs. Still need to get a purse that has a strap to wrap across my chest (diagnally). Not like you really needed that crappy description. But, it is what it is.

6. Sometimes I wish I was my dog. Spoiled and adorable and not having to lift a single paw for work and get to sleep all day. Then I wonder if I would really be satisfied with such an unrewarding life. Perhaps.

7. I wonder how the election will turn out tomorrow. I know who I voted for...even though this candidate did not win my state. Actually, every election I have voted in, my choice candidate lost my state. But, I would be happy with either democrat when it comes straight down to it. McCain is way too old. I can't believe the logic on the Republican side. At least choose a candidate that doesn't have a strong possibility of croaking very soon. I am with Chuck Norris on that issue.

8. Speaking of Chuck Norris. Have you checked out chucknorrisfacts? Check it out if you want a laugh or if you are super bored.

A Good Tune for a Sunday Afternoon

There is a morning radio talk show I regularly enjoy for good laughs on my way into work. Have you heard of Lex and Terry? They are in Texas...I think around the Dallas area and I also think they are broadcasted on one of the satellite radio services. Anyway, they try to find new musical bands that are cool and unique...when not doing there normal practical jokes and giving truthful advice. They have some hilarious regular segments if you take it for what it is...a reason to laugh. They are definitely not for the easily offended.

So, they found this band Odis and I just think this little Asian guy can absolutely rock out. He's great and this song just makes you want to bounce your head and move around however you feel natural. Check it out!

Fabulous Film Friday

Now here is a film I have been looking forward to for a little while: Penelope




Two reasons: Christina Ricci and Reese Witherspoon

I just love both these actresses and I have not really seen good ole Chritina in a while. Also, I believe that Reese was a producer for the film. This film more than likely is not going to stir any oscar mentions, but it sure does look like a cute little fun film...with a little bit of a simple message.

Here is the rundown of the movie from Yahoo movies:

A modern day romantic tale about a young girl's inspiring journey, a mysterious family secret and the power of love. With all odds against her, in order for Penelope to break the family curse, she must find true love with "one of her own kind." The warm and funny adventure leads her to realize the most important life lesson, "I like myself the way I am." Penelope Wilhern, born to wealthy socialites, is afflicted by the Wilhern spell that can only be broken when she finds love. Hidden away in her family's estate, the lonely girl meets a string of suitors in her parent's futile attempt to break the curse. Each eligible bachelor is enamored with Penelope and her sizable dowry... until her curse is revealed. Lemon, a mischievous and eager tabloid reporter wants a photograph of the mysterious Penelope and hires Max to pose as a prospective suitor to get the shot. The handsome down-on-his luck gambler finds he falling for Penelope, but not wanting to disappoint her or to expose his surreptitious ways, he decides to disappear. Fed up by his latest betrayal and determined to live life on her own terms, Penelope breaks free from her family and ventures into the world alone. She finds adventure and Annie, her first friend and becomes the person she was meant to be.

And check out the trailer:



What are you looking forward to?

Pet Feng Shui

There seems to be Feng Shui for everything! I came across this article: "The Do's and Don't's of Pet Feng Shui" and thought I'd share it.

I do a few of the "Dont's." uh.oh. The one I do and don't know if I can stop, is I let the dogs sleep on the bed! They are so cozy and warm. I know I should get a big pet bed and put it beside our bed...but I am so weak when it comes to telling the dogs "no." BUT, I have always been against letting the dogs have scraps or human food...period.

What do you let your pets get away with?

A Good Tune for a Sunday Afternoon

I thought I'd share one of my favorite songs with you guys and gals. This song always makes me want to sing along and it makes me wish I had some pipes to do it. I always feel so invigorated and empowered after listening to this tune. Thanks to my friend, Jeri, this song will always be an all time fave.


Susan Tedeschi: It Hurt So Bad




****Go, ahead. Sing along no matter how bad it sounds!

Fabulous Film Friday!

So, like many other movie lovers, I look forward to Fridays not only because it's the start of the weekend (not the end of the week), but because there are NEW MOVIE RELEASES! yay! yippee!! I am starting a new segment called "FABULOUS FILM FRIDAY." ( I might work on the name) The idea is pretty simple and obvious: We are going to talk about what movies we want to see that are being released today. We can also talk about recent past releases that we haven't seen yet. I am going to keep mine simple today.

There isn't too much being released today in the OKC, but there is an unexpected film feeling out my fancy.

Be Kind Rewind


Totally unexpected for my tastes...but this movie seems like it would just be a good laugh. I normally like Jack Black minus the Nacho wrestler character. I think he won my heart over in "The Holiday." He was just too adorable in that movie. Sometimes I am just in the mood to laugh and not really think about the movie. I have cried in the last two movies I have seen and now I just want to cry from laughing too hard.

So here is the movie rundown copied from Yahoo! Movies:

Jerry, a junkyard worker, attempts to sabotage a power plant that he believes is melting his brain. But when his plan goes awry, the magnetic field that he creates accidentally erases all of the videotapes in a local video store where his best friend Mike works. Fearing that the mishap will cost Mike his job, the two friends team up to keep the store's only loyal customer - a little old lady with a tenuous grasp on reality - from realizing what has happened by recreating and re-filming every movie that she decides to rent. From "Back to the Future," to "Robocop," to "Rush Hour," to "The Lion King," Jerry and Mike become the biggest stars in their neighborhood by starring in the biggest movies ever made.

Check out the Trailer


What are you looking forward to watching this weekend??

Miss Bridge

(yes, we were child super heroes one Halloween...we have no shame.)


So one of my best girlie gal pals...the always anti-English major because she will never understand my need to overanalyze EVERYTHING, she will never understand my need to want to learn and strive to be grammatically correct, and she will never understand my need to express myself with writing because my mind and mouth don't work as a team (so frustrating!)... started her own blog. I cannot believe it!

This is the girl who would tease me about my blogs...or at least one of the many people I love so much in my life that tease me about my blogs. This is the finance major roommate who would get frustrated with my hours of reading and analyzing Plato and Aristotle or me trying to decipher the symbolism of a sword or rose or some color in some Chaucer or Whitman poem. Oh, Poetry, how I love thee....but I digress.

Well, fellow bloggers, English language lovers, and writers of all that is pouring through your hearts and fingers, ...I sucked her in!

She started her own blog today! She has only one post so far, but you just wait. This girl is far more witty and clever than I could ever be at the drop of a hat. I can't wait for some of her banter.

So, help me make her feel welcome and throw her a welcoming comment to prove that bloggers are just as cool as any ole boring banker!

Disclaimer: I do not promote, support, encourage, try to correct, or discriminate against her awful grammar or spelling. Not that mine is anywhere near wonderful or perfect. Let us all just think of her lack of correct punctuation as part of her charm...and blonde-ness.

Isn't she precious?

http://rantingsofablondekind.blogspot.com/

Phone Pics!

Ok, I admit that I am way behind the "times," but that does not mean I can't be uber excited about this. I just figured out...or I just took the time to fiddle with my phone...how to upload photos from my phone to my computer. I know. I know. Get with it, Deb!

But, here are a few choice photos from my phone pic frenzy.

Dinner
From a few nights ago but this meal is a pretty hot item on my menu. Cucumber and tomato salad, iced tea, salmon (I think I already ate it), and of course...RICE! and low sodium soy sauce. I need to keep those fingers from swelling so much.


Life of Pi
My current source of reading entertainment. Although I found it in the "Young Adult" Section of the local book store, I find it to be a good read so far.


Bookmark
250 some-odd pages into my current read, I have my Ruby look-alike saving my reading spot so that I can take those well needed blog post breaks.


Ruby Getting "told"
I think she's getting scolded for something she "probably" didn't do....(yeah righ!) She is soooo ornery.


Mr. Trooper
He just loves his daddy. One of the sweetest pound pups ever!


Little Nyxie Rae
Our foster dog. We love her too. She has such a sweet face and she can't help but want to give kisses ALL the time. I think she is straining to give a kiss in this pic.

All That I Love

I feel like a lemming, but in this case it is great to be lemming. In addition to all the other blogs that have and will be written today in regards to the subject of L-O-V-E, I am adding my tribute to all that is lovely, loveable, and loving in my life.

My new robe.

One of the few things I wanted for Christmas was the cushy Red with white trim "Cozy Little Things" Robe from Victoria's Secret. Of course, the person who was in charge of getting this simple gift, eh hem...Clint, waited until the last minute to make a dash to the VS store. AND, they were, duh, sold out. And by this point, it was a little late to order it online to have it delivered in time for Christmas morn festivities. So, a VS gift card stocking stuffer is what Deb recieved. This actually was okay with me, because not only is patience a virtue, but patience is the key for getting more for your money...or gift card. So, I finally ordered my Cozy Little Things Robe that was on "CLEARANCE" and had enough on the good ole gift card for a few more items. I got the delivery this week and I absolutely love my new robe.

My dogs.
(I only have pics of one dog on this computer.)
I love my dogs. They make me feel all the things a woman should feel: wanted, needed, loved, safe, fun to be around, and dominant. Haha...how true is that? So, this morning, I was watching the Today show while eating my yummy bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and laying on the couch in my new robe. The news segment that caught my attention was about a woman (now a former mayer)who stole her neighbor's dog while they were on vacation. This woman was entrusted with the dog's care while its owners were away, and this woman told the owners the dog had died and STOLE it. She claims she saved the dog from a life of neglect and abuse...but if you saw this woman, you might agree with me that she seems like a psycho bee-atch! There was definately a level of creepiness and physcosis in this lady.

Which made me think that if anyone tried to steal my dog and lied about it dying, I would probably whip out some unlearned kung-fu and open up a can of Oklahoma girl whip ass on this freak of nature woman. Seriously! who does that? She should be ashamed.

My Person.


I love my person. He hates that I refer to him as my "person" and not my boyfriend. But he is so much more than just a boyfriend. He is my best friend, he is sometimes "one of the girls," he is my go-getter of tampons when I am feeling too gross and cranky from lack of bathing and cramps to get them myself, he is my chef, he is my handy-man, he is the daddy of our dogs, he is my grocery shopping partner, he is my shoulder to wipe snot, he is my movie partner, he is the stealer of hot water, he is my wine buddy, he is my dinner date, and so many other wonderful things. Boyfriend just does not serve his role with justice. I am a very needy person, I guess.

My family.


Of course. This is a given. My mother was the first to call me this morning as soon as I sat down at my desk. Her lovely "English is my second language" version of Happy Valentines Day sounded a little like "Hoppy Varentins Day" or something like that. She is so funny. I am sure the men of my familia are either still asleep in bed or doing guy things deemed more important than a Valentine greeting.

My boots.

Everyone hates them...even my person, whom is the cause of my owning them. But I heart my boots. Why? Because its freezing and my wool-lined boots keep my fat toes warm. No, I don't have the expensive real version, I have the cheap knock offs...and they are just as lovely.

Obviously, my love of these items are in very random order because my mind doesn't associate importance over excitement about a wonderful robe. I hope your Valentines Day is filled with love and lovely things that make you smile.

Check Out My Other Blog

I started another blog called the Organizing Guru. Organizing Guru obviously has a specific focus...organizing! woo hoo.

I will still continue to post on babalou, but this is my random and personal blog filled with all my crazy opinions. Feel feer to put both on your blog roll!!

http://organizingguru.blogspot.com/

I Heart Coffee

The day started as soon as I opened my front door so that I could go warm up my car. SNOW! The snow falling had recently started and was only in its beginning stages of sticking. Great. At least I wouldn't have to drive to work in thick snow.

People seem to suddenly develop a case of common sense stupidity when the first flake of snow falls on the streets. And I defintaly do not consider myself one of those people. So, in anticipation of my drive to (the world of boredome)work while I waited for my car to warm up a bit, I decided to call in an order to my favorite comfort for everthing in the morning coffee shop.

hmmmm. Coffee and breakfast sandwiches. The breakfast sandwich is made with fresh homemade biscuits every morning and I get to pick my cheese rather than being stuck with plain old American....blah. I prefer to spice up my morning with a little pepper jack cheese with my egg, bacon, and homemade biscuit (twice the size of any Mikey D's biscuit sandwhich). And of course I have to make my biscuit grabbing belly not feel so guilty, so I order some fruit to munch on througout the morn.

But, after a (stupid driver) stupendous filled morning, arriving at my desk to start my work day could not have been better without my Grande Sugar Free Mocha from the wonderful local Java Daves. I heart coffee...espcially when I get to watch the beautiful snow fall and think about the crazy driver filled adventure home.

I am going to Paris

After an overnight contemplation and an increase in price due to my indecisiveness, I booked my flight to the wonderful world of wine, baguetts, and the Louve.

My friend Bridget and I have talked for years about taking a trip to Paris. There has never been a better time than now. We got a great deal on the plane tickets and a free place to stay. That's right...FREE. We have a friend who lives there and she has offered her home...you can't beat that. Plus, she grew up in Paris and will make a great little tour guide. She is a super fun and sweet French girl who is fascinated with America...and sings in a Cabaret!

Now, the excitement of traveling to uncharted territory is subsiding and my typical OCD I only have just under 2 months to plan all the things I need to take with me is only just beginning to kick in. What do I wear? I don't want to look like a tourist and I don't want to look like I am trying too hard. But it's Paris! It's the fashion capital of the world!

I need to start a checklist:

1. Comfy shoes...but cute?
2. Sexy boots...but comfy?
3. Long warm coat to match sexy boots.
4. Beret. or be sure to buy one or two when I get there.
5. Cute purse that a gypsy won't be able to get there paws in.
6. Brush up on my French. The one semester in my undergrad 4 years ago probably won't cut it.





Things to do:
1. Purchase cool French beret.
2. To the Louve!
3. Frequent snarky cabaret or two.
4. Sit at cafe drinking wine and/or coffee pretending I'm super french.
5. Pretend to know french. "J'mapelle Debbie"
6. Eiffel tower!

I know I am missing a ton of stuff. Any ideas?

This is going to be a long month and a half. It will all be worth leaving the boy toys behind and having a french rendevous with the girlfriends, though.

Ode to Heath

By this point, all you web surfers have read and seen the tragic news of the death of actor Heath Ledger. I feel compelled to add my blubbering to all the web news out there on this subject.

Being a twenty something know it all girl, I spent the end of my teenage years being introduced to the wonderful talent of the Australian born thespian. Who could resist the long wavy locks, brawny jaw, and delicious down under accent of the young Heath Ledger in "10 Things I Hate About You?"

Regardless of Ledger's striking manly looks, his acting talents have made him the well respected actor that he was. It was important to Ledger to challenge himself with his acting roles and to choose roles with depth. His acting abilities and his diverse resume grew as we all looked on with joy and respect.

My opinion and awe of Heath matured as I matured while watching his acting roles in "The Patriot," "A Knight's Tale," "The Lords of Dogtown," and of course "Brokeback Mountain." It saddens me to know that there are people out there who will never appreciate the talent it took to portray the roles that Ledger and Gyllenhal acted so well. Regardless of your opinions of the subject, you need to delve a bit deeper into your issues of respect and humanity.

Heath Ledger's death is a shocking and tragic loss for his family, the acting community, and his devoted fans. His talents will be missed as well as his brawny face and sexy Aussie accent.

10 True Wierd Things About Me.

Thought I would share a little bit about me. Judgement is never welcome. But, funny comments are always expected.


1. I do not like to turn left into traffic when I am driving. If I am at a stop light or a 4-way stop sign...then it's okay. My fear of being hit with another piece of metal overcomes me at times traffic is going both directions and I will only have about 1.5 seconds to become a part of this rush. No way buddy. I will gladly turn right and drive completely around the block and out of the way in order to avoid the left turn of doom.

2. I consciously crave ice cream at least 5 times a day everyday. I will voice this craving maybe twice. I only allow myself to have ice cream once a week and I refuse to keep it in the house. I am also a bit lactose intolerant which adds to my craving frustration. (Ice cream =fat) + (ice cream = unfortunate bathroom trip) + (ice cream = smile on debbie's face) = 1. a smile on debbie's face is worth all the ice cream in world + 2. debbie sucked it up at math growing up and as an adult...obviously.

3. I avoid public restrooms. I live in the 'hood not too far from UCO and most people who attend UCO and more particularly, the LA building bathroom facilities, know how water mucked and stanky it is there...so, I will drive home to use the potty in between classes or hold it until I can go home. If I am anywhere public and need to go number 2...I will more than likely drive home to do it. I will sometimes go number 1 in public restrooms. I think that I am trying to do the living public a service by not going number 2 in any shared facilities...trust me.

4. I do not like to cook....at all. Most meals by Deb will be high in sodium becuase it will more than likely be pre-packaged, pre-frozen, from a box, or all of the above. I got a crock pot for Christmas and have only cooked the pre-packed and pre-frozen crock pot meals you can get in the frozen food section at your local food establishment. I sure do like that Tyson. p.s. It took too damn long to cook and I ended up sticking it in the oven to finish it off quicker. I am so not kidding either.

5. I love to organize and I think it is a form of undiagnosed/self diagnosed OCD. I think I have a serious problem. I will get angry if objects that are properly placed have been turned or moved in some sort of fashion. I put the dang thing in that place for a reason. I currenly have a chip on my shoulder becuase my house is in disarray and I have been obsessed with the idea of getting shelves. Have you seen the Home Depot commercial advertising their home organizing blow out/sale or whatever??? My heart starts to race with excitement everytime I see it.

6. I am paranoid that everyone thinks that I am Mexican and I will get deported.

7. I hum when I eat. Clint's mother says it was the first thing she noticed when we first had dinner together and she continues to say it is one of her favorite things about me. If I were her I would think I'm a WIERDO. I notice it now that she has said. I will stare at my food, stab it with my fork or graciously fill my spoon, and kind of make the food dance as I hum absolute randomness. How long have I done this people? Some friends you are...totally letting me do this in public.

8. I have rice patty feet. You know...the kind that help you squat for long periods of time becuase they are soooooo wide. I don't ever squat for long periods of time but I sure did get the feet from my Jap ancestors. I have learned that feet have sized in widths...not just wide width either. The sized are A,B, C, D, and probably double D... just like a bra. Except my bra size is barely a small B and my shoe width size is a D. I sometimes have to get guy shoes. So basically I am a pubescent size chested woman with Hobbit feet. I lucked out didn't I?

9. I don't feel the need to reminisce too much. Memories are great and all, that's what I take pics for and why I write blogs and write in my journal. But, the need to re-live moments or think about past moments a lot has little appeal to me. I like to think about today and tomorrow and how I am can make the now and the future better. Sorry, I am not a sappy, living in past kind of gal. I am still debating how appealing a high school reunion could be...

10. I have a knome in my front yard named Gilbert. We call him Gil. He protects us from the bad people. I'm hoping he will keep the mushrooms from growing back...I hate mushrooms.

What Is Your Life Effective Goal?

What does resolution mean to you??? To me it means final. So, I don't believe in having New Year's resolutions. If you do have one or a few, I definitely won't judge...it's just that for me, I prefer a different term. I like to use Goals for my New Year expectations.

To have a resolution means it's final and only for that year. For instance, how many times have a I said that I want to get in shape for this year?? Probably ever since I hit puberty. So, I work at getting in shape and get it done....and...then what?? Ok, I achieved my resolution. Next, please.

There also seems to be an unattainable thorn with having a resolution. I have all year so, to me, that means...."I got time." Then, I forget and/or most definitely become lazy.

So, this year I have Life Effective Goals. I have two things I want to start working on this year that I can continue for the rest of my life:

1. I want to write more.

As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to write for a living. I want to write a novel, even if it never gets published. I want to write books of poetry, even if they never get published. But, there is so much I still need to learn. But, the one thing I do have for writing is Passion...you cannot be taught passion.

What has been holding me back??? My personal stigma that hangs over me whispering, "I am not experienced or good enough" and my slowly retreating fear. I am naturally a pretty shy individual and am fearful of what others would say about me. But, I am slowly getting over it...thanks to frackin goodness!

2. I want to learn to play piano.

I grew up being very musical. I played the Coronet for 3 years and sang for 5 years. I have always wanted to know how to play the piano. With my musical background, I definitely think this "want" of mine is very achievable. I already know how to read music with my 8 years of musical background and I have a good ear for tone and pitch and any other musical term I could throw out there to make myself sound like I really know what I am talking about. However I say it, I can easily justify this want. It is very frustrating to know how to play any melody line on a set of keys, but not know how to play the important piano lines.

This year, I will start my journey to play piano. Ultimately, I want to be able to sing and play the piano at the same time, teach my future children to play the piano, and instill the beauty of music in my future children's hearts and anyone's heart that I would be lucky enough to play for.

I am excited for these Life Effective Goals. I need to quit being afraid of my passions and my talents. I need to explore my life and do things for myself that will be enjoyable not only for me but for those close to me.

Love your real life and try to make at least one Life Effective Goal.

Sushi, Champagne, and Video Games

Happy New Year!...3 days late.

I hope everyone had a fun and safe celebration as did I. What did I do??? A whole lotta relaxing is what Babalou did.

Clint and I had busy bar maiding plans, but dropped them a few hours before our presence would have been needed. We opted for a nice dinner for two at our favorite local sushi restaurant, a trip to the liquor store for some take-home champagne and wine, and a quick stop to the little blockbuster for some game renting...yes, I said game renting.



Back home and pjs are the first on my mind. As for Clint, that video game is all he can muster in his brain. So, the rest of the evening is me laying on the couch and eventually falling asleep to you know who video gaming it on the wii...all by 9 pm. Well, he did wake me up around 11:45 for the new years countdown, a quick champagne toast, and a sweet little smooch. But, not shortly after, it was back to gaming time. As for me, I found my way to the bed.

All in all, I am happy with the way I ended my year. It was a great year, tiring year, and loving year. Nothing like sushi, champagne, video games, and lots and lots of beauty rest to top off the old and ring in the new.

2007 Rundown

January: Cruising on Ice
So with the first Ice Storm of 2007 not too far away, I start the year with a nice Caribbean cruise.

First stop: Key West, where the happy couple, Lindi and Steve, state their lovely vows to one another in the presence of family, a few friends, and a bum sleeping in the sand. I think we may have invaded his home.


Then on to Costa Maya and Georgetown where there was snorkeling, bird holding, mayan ruining ( with disrespectful Americans smoking and throwing their butts on living history), and the reality of poverty in Mexico while riding on the nice tourist bus drive to see where the Mayans once stood. Good times.

Second stop: tarmac. flight delay after flight delay and we were lucky to get all five of us on the only flight from Dallas to okc that had and would depart in two days. Once on the plane, we sit, or actually I sleep for two hours cramped on a full flight. Two hours of a tarmac sitting/sleeping experience and we finally fly for about a total of 20 minutes and land on an icy OKC runway. Obviously, there is no luggage. Wait. I take that back. There is tons and tons of luggage...just not anybody's that was standing there tapping there foot waiting for their luggage. About 2 days later and new hairdryer and a new toothbrush, I have my luggage delivered and the souvenir giving can commence.

Also, I came home to a new love interest that I left behind for this wonderful cruise. Due to love interest and first ice storm 2007, I fall (hard) down love interest's driveway and hurt my right wrist.

February: Cruising down the Road
So, my 2001 Ford Explorer Sport (meaning only two doors), is doing things that I wish it would not do. I have had this car since 2002 and I think Ford truly has a five year warranty and not anything beyond. My car will start...only if I have my foot on the gas and it will only stay on...if i have my foot on the gas. So, as I start it, get in gear (all with my foot on the gas...even when I have my foot on the break)I can begin my venture down the road...but no cruising. The car will be going forty down a hill and I am still not allowed to take my foot of the gas, as it (the entire car) will completely shut down/turn off completely on it's own...weird?? Not just weird...picky. It (the car) plays this trick on my when it feels so inclined...in particular when it is 40 degrees or below. So, two mechanics and I mechanics bill we won't bring up, I give in. I deserve and new vehicle. Woke up one Saturday morning, drove the POS into a car dealer and bought myself a new Jeep Commander (with four doors).

My wrist still hurts. I never had it checked out.

March: Bye Bye PT
So, for the previous Christmas, I decided to give myself a Personal Trainer and join a gym. I have been training with PT since the week before Christmas 06, and I would definitely admit that buns, thighs, arms, back, tum tum, and even my gargantuan calves are looking pretty nice...and tone. I have not been in this good of shape for a while. But, training comes to end and so does the tone buns, thighs, arms, back, tum tum, and especially the gargantuan calves.

April: Hello Home ownership
I have a house. A cute little 2bed 1bath little house. It's old just like I like them with hard wood floors and many household repairs to come. It is all my own. Single, 24 years old, little dog, and little doggie door. I think I am set.




May: No Washy Washy
So, new old house in April and a new washer and dryer I bought to go along with new old house...but no proper or legal plumbing where washer and dryer are meant to be placed. I think the inspector missed out on an INTEGRAL part of his inspection. So, washing clothes at love interest's home (with his two roommates) for a month while waiting on plumbers to come to INSTALL new proper and legal plumbing in wash room area, and then a not so pretty plumbing invoice later...I can finally wash and dry clothes at my new old house.

June: Meet the Fam and then some.
Texas is where love interest calls home. So, trip to Texas it is. We meet all the extended family, which is Friends that have been around since before love interest was barfing on their shoulders. A whole weekend in a 6 bedroom compound like retreat. It was actually very nice...real Mexican food and 6.0 beer.


Then we drive to meet the Father in San Antonio, where love interest grew up and went to high school. After love interest that was raised in San Antonio get us lost in San Antonio, we arrive at Father's home to meet two lovely, sweet, and beautiful younger step sisters and LI's (love interest) step mother. They are of course all wonderful...and everywhere we went there was a pool and free food (already cooked of course). Can't go wrong with that.

**Trip provided by new vehicle purchase made in February.

July: I'm 25
Ok, so of course there is Independence Day and that is great and all, but seriously, and more importantly, July is the best month of the year for many great reasons. As I mentioned before, there is 4th of July. There is also that fact that is is summer, there are pool side beer fests with the occasional pina colada, for lake-goers there is obviously the lake and boats you can afford that I cannot, but the most wonderful and best reason why July is the best month ever......drum roll..... it's my birthday month.

Yes, you heard right. It is my birthday month. Not just a day...but an entire month to celebrate my birth and my existence ever since. Love interest doesn't understand the celebration concept but put up with anyway. Did I mention his name is Clint? He gets a name now. If he can put up with my birthday month, he at least deserves a name.

But, even though I express the importance of my month, I am not that much of a pain. All I ask is for Asians and all my friends. My favorite restaurant is Musashi's which takes care of the Asians and even my BF Jenny showed up to dinner. Take a gander at my pick in the left hand column with all the hot chicks....this is at my birthday dinner.

August: Time to hit the books
For a bit of background, I graduated in 2006 with a BA. Ever since that summer, I have been a bit lost and bored...so what do I do? I decide to try to get my masters. So back to school here I come...but only one class. Baby steps, people, baby steps. I enjoy coming home after work and watching Oprah. I can't take away from that.

Plus, my wrist still hurts every so often. Especially when I type long blogs like this.

Weight gain to date since bye bye to PT: 10 lbs. ouch


September: Road Warrior
Clint's birthday is the beginning of September. On the morning of Clint's birthday, and I mean morning like 2am and haven't even had the chance to say "happy birthday" to the birthday boy, I receive a phone call from my parentals informing me that they think my brother is in jail.

Here goes. Bro in city jail for DUI. BUT in his lovely drunkenness, he decides that driving at height speeds through the city while pretty light flash at him, is a fun idea. County jail here he comes and the new deck I have been saving up for will have to wait. You see, little Bablou has never had to deal with bailing anyone out of jail. Never really had to deal with breaking law and the consequences. The purposes of a bail bondsman should be taught in school. You would think that with an ex-cop dad, an LI with a DUI in the past, and friend and co-worker applying for the police academy, someone would have informed me to use a bail bondsman and not my new deck money. Oh well, coulda woulda shoulda.

bro is out of jail. i got out of work to get bro out of jail. police chase was on the news with bro's face peaking out of backseat window of cop car, and i got to take Clint to dinner.

October: court day Costumes
Brother's birthday and his court day. Half way to the court house and bro finds out that the case is not even on the docket. Court date postponed along with return of bail/new deck money.

A small road trip with two girlfriends wouldn't hurt. To Ft. Collins we went for the weekend and back. It was quick, beautiful and fun. Except for Jeri's driving. Don't ride with Jeri if you plan on enjoying the Colorado scenery. You will totally miss it.



Halloween is near and it's Clint and mines first Halloween together...woo hoo, right? One would think, "Oh, how cute it would be to do a couple costume???" neh, how about, "I want to go as a gay cop." Seriously? Fine. Whatever. So, he is Lt. Dangle from Reno 911 and I go as Carmen Miranda...fruit on head and all.

November: Hospitals and moving
Without going into great detail, I had to take my bro to the hospital and then after that ordeal we had to send him to a psych hospital for a week or so. Before he got out, Clint moved all of bro's stuff back to the parentals. This is where bro will be for awhile. The docs say he has Borderline Personality Disorder and the beginning signs of Schizophrenia. He is not allowed to work by orders of his state paid doc and we are hoping to get the dui and eluding police charges removed due to his mental capacity.

and.....and Clint moves in with me. ta dah.

Thanksgiving was good and a little bittersweet. The rest of the fam doesn't know about the bro's situation and kept probing why he had his forearms and wrists covered. He doesn't want anyone to know, so we will protect his wounds.


December: I've lost my Wisdom
The month begins with some achy teeth. I have had issues with the wisdom teeth and have delayed the removal process for some time. No more delay. Get them out! My two wisdom teeth on the right side of my mouth are the ones that hurt and luckily they are already exposed. It was a small procedure with a lot of numbing and I was still wide a wake. Not too bad. I got a day off...woo hoo.

The rest of the month up until Christmas can be easily put: Shopping. An attempt to go back to the gym, fudge, cookies, a generous Christmas bonus, and more shopping.

But, I got a Wii! woo hoo. I got lucky on that one. And a crock pot. I think people are trying to change me.

Bro is doing great. As long as he is on his meds, he is pretty normal.

If you read the previous blog, you know that I gained a sister for Christmas.

Happy one year Anniversary to Clint and me....And my wrist still hurts.

So, the year so far is ending on a good note. Just 11 more hours of this 2007 year. Enjoy, be safe, take time to remember, take time to reflect, and take time to do things that make you happy.

A Wonderful Christmas

2 days after Christmas day and I am still exhausted. Work is slow, so in my boredom I began to think of why this Christmas was just so wonderful. I mean, it had to be wonderful if I am still feeling so worn from it's greatness. 3 main things:

My brother
Long story short. My family has had a hard time in the later part of this year. We are lucky to have my brother this Christmas and we are lucky that he is doing well. One of the things that made my Christmas day was to see him happy, smiling, excited, and functioning like normal. There is no telling how the rest of his life is going to be since he was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizophrenia in late October, but we are hopeful we will work together as a family to what is best for him. Also, after I opened my gift from him, I realized that he was able to get out in some stores and do a little Christmas shopping and pick out things himself. He has such a big heart and wants so badly for all of us to be happy. I love you, bubba.

My sister
I have never met my half sister. She is 11 years older than I am and until last Saturday, I had never spoken to her. She contacted our Father and then asked for me to call her. We had our first conversation on Christmas Eve. Amazing. I am looking forward to meeting with her and building a relationship with her that we have both missed out on. She seems just as excited as I which makes the whole situation even better.

My Clint
This was our first Christmas together and it was exciting and wonderful. We met a few days after Christmas last year, so we just missed the Christmas boat. So one year later, we are happy, we are young, and we are in love. He has been there for me through tough family times and I hope I have supported him whenever he needed it. His family is wonderful and I love my new life.

Emotions are high and there is still so much to come this following year. I hope everyone's Christmas was as amazing as mine and have a wonderful and safe New Year.

I love my real life.

Update to running a marathon. I didn't train and I am not running in the marathon. I am known to be a very realistic person and after serious contemplation, I realized that my inability to jog a mile was not going to turn into the ability to jog 13 miles in a matter of 4 weeks. It may seem weak, but that's too much pressure to put on oneself especially during the holidays. I am going to set a more realistic goal...like be able to jog a mile period.

I have a lot of faith in myself and my capabilities, but I have a very realistic idea of my capabilities at the same time. I believe in pushing myself emotionally, physically, intellectually, and creatively and any other descriptive word ending in -ly, but come on. If I have a bad knee and my lungs can't handle a quarter of a mile, then why take the chance of injury to myself physically and emotionally. I want to be able to run a mile. I'll work on that and then I will work on the next mile. However long it takes, I will do it and I will do it carefully and smart.

My boyfriend thinks I am a worrier and that I am too cautious. But that is who I am and I love that I am the careful one. Just because I worry and I am careful does not mean that I am not adventurous. I have been skydiving, I hike, and I rock climb. I definitely don't live like a hermit. I just have a good sense of reality, a good sense of my surroundings, and a great sense of outcome and expectations. I can and I love to dream, but I live a real life too. I love my real life more than any unrealistic figment of my imagination.

MEMO:

I think my addiction to coffee is causing my excrutiating headaches. This may be in combination with my financially inept boyfriend who wants help but doesn't really want help when it comes down to the reality of it. I guess taking out a loan to pay your cell phone bill is a much better idea then what I could ever come up with....whatever.

I am going to get another cup of coffee.

Just started reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. So far, I can tell that I will enjoy it although I am only still in "Italy." I have not made it to India or Indonesia yet but I will get there shortly. Gilbert is very clever and showing a great sense of humor when looking back on herself.

I have felt that I need to make some changes and delve into my soul a lot more lately. I hate feeling like something major is missing in my life even thought I have so much. I love the people and "things" in my life but feel I do not have something in which I feel entirely passionate. I need to be passionate about something and cannot decide what that is. I have ideas and I need to just make the attempts.

Yesterday was day 1 of marathon training. My friend, Jeri, asked me if I would be interested in running in a half marathon in December. "Why not?," I asked myself. Sounds like something I could be passionate about...or at least occupy my time until I find out my passion. Plus, I will lose weight. Not a bad deal....So, Day 1. Yesterday. The training schedule Jeri created requires 1 mile on Day 1. Piece of cake.

Whatever! Jeri has already ran a full marathon, which is 26 miles! Me? I cannot even lightly jog a mile without having to stop 4 times to walk a little. Plus, I had the worst tension headache right after the jog. Pathetic. I have until December 9 to be able to get through 13 miles. Tomorrow is Day 2 of the "official" training schedule by Jeri and I think it is either 1 1/2 miles or 2 miles. I think I may try the mile again today on my own.

Ann Coulter is a Lunatic!

The following article was was copied from http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/. It's about Ann Coulter opening her big fat mouth again. Do people really support the crap that spills from her face? I am in awe that someone so openly hateful can be a best selling author. Come on people! Who is buying her crap? Is it really worth supporting her psychotic diatribes?

WASHINGTON (CNN) – Conservative commentator and best-selling author Ann Coulter may find herself in the midst of a controversy for comments Monday suggesting America would be better if everyone was Christian.
Asked by CNBC host Donny Deutsch what the U.S. looks like in her dreams, Coulter said it would look like the Republican National Convention in 2004
"People were happy,” she said, according to a transcript provided to CNN by CNBC. “They're Christian. They're tolerant. They defend America." (Video: Watch Coulter's comments on CNBC)
When Deutsch responded, "It would be better if we were all Christian?" Coulter said "Yeah."
Deutsch, himself Jewish, continued to press Coulter on her remarks, asking, "We should just throw Judaism away and we should all be Christians then?"
"Yeah," Coulter responded, adding "Well, it's a lot easier. It's kind of a fast track."
"You can't possibly believe that," Deutsch responded. “You can’t possibly. You’re too educated.”
"Do you know what Christianity is?" Coulter replied. "See, we believe your religion, but you have to obey. We have the fast track program."
Later in the interview Deutsch asked Coulter if she doesn't want any Jews in the world, Coulter responded, "No, we think — we just want Jews to be perfected, as they say."
"Wow, you didn't really say that, did you," Deutsch said.
Read the rest of this entry »

cheddar pepper war

It is Wednesday. The highlight of my day has been picking up lunch for the office and it was a highlight obviously becuase I was able to leave the office. Boredom is the key word for today. Playing on myspace can only be entertaining for so long before I feel like I'm stalking everyone who has better things to do today other than waste company time. The clock for today's countdown is broken...it has to be. This day is inching by. My sanity is inching by. My boredom is consuming my proactiviness today. Proactivity took a day off today without letting me know...jerk.

My cheddar peppers are laughing at me. I ordered them with my grilled chicken sandwich and felt guilty afterward. I still haven't eaten them because of my aweful guilt. Now they sit and laugh. They taunt me. They brought their friend Buttermilk Ranch with them...jerk. Yet I haven't thrown them away yet. The cheddar pepper war will occupy my endless countdown.

Stronger

It's monday. I am listening to Kanye West's song "Stronger." Great song. Respect the talent not necessarily the person. I may not agree with his famous blubbering, "George Bush doesn't like black people," but that is how he felt and the circumstances at the time did seem so. Just because the statement may have been "inappropriate" to some and can be said to be not "politically correct," I can respect that there is someone out there who is willing to speak his mind without fear of ridicule from peers and fans. Didn't the same thing happen to the Dixie Chicks?

People are so eager to jump to point the finger at the person who stands up against the norm and masses. We call them stupid, disrespectful, and probaby many other rude and not politically correct terms, while we are weak because we are following others rather than our own hearts.

We have Freedom of Speech in this country, but when people exercise their right against what is "acceptable" freedom of speech, we persecute. It's obvious that a melting pot country is going to have people with contradicting ideas, hopes, and dreams but doesn't it come down to a matter of respect? If there is no violance, why do so many people jump to say people can't say what's on their minds? Speak your mind. Share you heart. Don't be afraid of what your next door neighbor will say about your words. They are words. Although words can be a very powerful tool, words are only as powerful as you will let them be.

If you don't like what someone is saying. Ignore them. Pretty simple right?

Kanye West has a really good message if you really listen. Think beyond the obvious.

Remember To Take It Step by Step

I find that there are some things I do that are just too literal. I enjoy taking photos of me and my lovies to remember where we have been. But I literally want to remember where my little footsies have traveled. My friend in the second photo with me thinks its a bit strange, but a small little joke has turned into a tradition for me. Where have your feet been?

My first photo with my feet in the sand was Georgetown, Cayman Islands. The middle photo with my not so literal friend was taken on a Mayan Ruin in Costa Maya. The third photo was taken in the Wichita Mountains in Lawton, Oklahoma while waiting patiently for my turn to climb.

I'm excited for my next foot photos!

Your Cheerful Outlook is One of Your Best Assets

Written May 27, 2007 (from another journal of mine).

"your cheerful outlook is one of your best assets."

Well, at least that's what my most recent fortune cookie said. It was not tasty by the way. Probably the worst fortune cookie I've ever had and I really don't even like the cookie of a fortune cookie…just the fortune. I normally keep the good fortunes. Actually, I keep even the not so good fortunes too. I just like them in general. I have a small collection in my desk at work. I never look at them. They just sit in there. Maybe I hope that if I keep the fortune it will actually come true. I wouldn't know if any of them had come true since I don't remember what any of them said. I am hopeful for things and I don't even know what I am hopeful for. So what's the point?

I am fighting a battle and don't even know it sometimes. When I actually take the time to sit and reflect, I always realize it. Sometimes I continue to ignore it and other times I try to help myself. One side of me is fighting to be "cheerful"…it is one of my best assets I have been told. I attempt to present myself as strong, opinionated, optimistic, somewhat intelligent, humorous, fun, someone others can depend on. I attempt to do things on my own and portray myself as independent. I want to listen and give good insight when asked. I want to laugh and smile.

Then there is the "me" that is and has been trying so hard to be a part of my life. This person is so sad and wanting approval from everyone. She feels as if she can make no one happy and all her efforts are worthless, minuscule, insufficient, mediocre. She is dark and a bit twisted and afraid to show it. She can be hateful, rageful, and full of jealousy. Envious. Selfish. Bitter. She is lonely because she feels like no one could really accept or understand her. She is tired. She doesn't want to hear you whine. She is sick of caring. This person can never reveal herself. She is weird. She is wrong. I do not like her. I do not accept her. Sometimes I want to.

I am hopeful to keep myself sane. I am hopeful to keep myself happy. I am hopeful to keep myself motivated. I am hopeful I will figure out my life. I am hoping I won't figure out my life. I am hopeful my headaches will go away. I am hopeful I will be cheerful. I am hopeful for things I do not yet know. I guess that could be a good point. Getting to know my hopes.

I used to have many hopes. They were childish…but real. I gave them up. I visit them sometimes. In the shower I still sing. I thought I was good once. I realize I was just mediocre. I still watch the old singing videos every so often and remember a time that I believed "I could do it." More than anything, I just wanted to play the piano. Still do sometimes. A pianist is an amazing thing to me.

I wanted and sometimes still claim to want to be a writer. I am definitely not good enough. I am unable to delve into my emotions. I can only go so far. I fear the weirdo will emerge. There was a time that I wrote a lot. Poetry. The weirdo was a part of it. The meds sent her away. No one is allowed to read her work. Sometimes I will read the old poems and wish I could be emotional without being sad. Maybe another life.

My new hope. The most important. To be loved. Regardless. To be liked. regardless. To be true to others and me. To enjoy all things good and bad. To learn all things good and bad. To be truly confident and not for show. For balance. A good life and finding out what I good life is according to me.

Oh, the relief

Paper number 2 is submitted. Only 2 more to write and I am done for the semester. The relief of finishing a paper is so wonderful. Even if I feel like it is not the greatest paper, I am still relieved that it is done. Last week, I worked on a paper for three days and I could not figure out why I was having such a difficult time wrapping my brain around the topic and just let myself write. I felt as if the paper was definately not my best. When I received the grade back, I found the the professor seemed to like it quite a bit and gave me a grade that was far from my expectations. I was happy and relieved. I hope to do as well on the next papers. Happy writing!

Dead Week

Who came up with dead week? Obviously, it was not someone who really had anything worthwile to do in school. With four papers due, and not a single one really started, I am in major disagreeance that this is going to be a "dead" week. I do this to myself every semester. I have multiple projects to complete at the end of the semester and question my ability to get any of it accomplished. Either I am setting myself up for major disappointment or trying to give myself obvious reasons for praise. Whichever way, I will either be dead from exhaustion or dead from failure to complete the tasks. So, it really will be a dead week in the end.

Required Health Insurance

I was watching CNN this early Sunday afternoon, while I ate my Sunday morning breakfast, when I came across a topic that sparked an interest. I can't remember the state representative's name off the top of my head right now, but he was from the state of Massachussets. Apparently, the state has recently passed a state bill requiring all of its residence to have health insurance. At first I strongly questioned the motives, justifications and methods the state would use in requiring all residents to have health insurance. after listening to what the rep. had to say in his explanation, I began to support and like what the bill had to offer and how the new bill would be implemented. I am going to research more about it, but I would suggest that everyone look into it, because it seems that if it will work in Massachussets, then state and even the nation may implement the same ideas in the future.

What weekend?

You know that feeling when you leave work on a Friday afternoon and you actually somewhat dread the weekend ahead of you???? Not because of what is planned but because of everything that is planned.

I left work on Friday feeling incredibly overwhelmed and exhausted. I had a horrible day and week and realized how unhappy I am with my job....then I remembered: My roommate has two houseguests from France staying with us, it is my roommates birthday, I have a friend who is in town for the weekend whom I have not seen in months ( and truly miss), a boyfriend who wants to spend time with his friends and not mine (even though mine are only in town for the weekend and his live here), a bike rally/poker run my boyfriend wishes to participate, another friend's birthday, homework, papers, and studying and emotional outlet time...there is just not enough time for all.

I feel horrible because I don't feel like I was living every moment. There were so many great things going on this weekend, but the idea of getting to the next thing made me not fully enjoy the now...I can't stand it when I do this. I didn't get to see Tiffany from Austin and I do not know when she will be back, I enjoyed dinner with Bridget and friends but wished I could have stayed out later, and the poker run was fun but I was so tired and worried about the homework I had to do that day.
I did not get to hang out Friday with Marlene, Laurine, Bridget, Tiffany, Mandy, etc. like I had planned and wanted and ended up crying myself to sleep (alone) for other reasons. I woke up angry Saturday and forced myself to get up and shop for Bridget's birthday, which made me feel a lot better. I also got to make up some time with Bridget (on her birthday), Marlene, and Laurine with breakfast and some group girl shopping. I feel really guilty about that evening because, while at Makers, I did not get to conversate and catch up with an old friend like I had planned and wanted becuase I dedicated in pleasing the birthday girl and boyfriend. and on top of all this, I never even called the other friend to wish him a happy birthday. And, I never did any homework, writing or studying. Also, I knew that another friend that I love dearly, was neglected by me. She was alone this weekend, missing her husband, and I never once got around to calling or going over to check up on her.

I feel as if I have been a bad friend and person for all the little things that I did not accomplish. What is the point of getting to big things if the little things are forgotten; a simple happy birthday to Michael, a little how are you doing to Yukino, a few minutes of catching up with Tiffany while she is sitting in front of me, a few minutes of visiting with friends down the street with Mikey instead of feeling sorry for myself, and leaving Bridget early on her birthday in order to get to bed because I know I have to get up early in the morning????

I feel like such a jerk and I apologize to those I have neglected in my selfish rush for seemingly bigger things.