Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Note to Self

I almost went 29 days without posting...I'm sure you all are heartbroken.

I really needed a break. The marathon blogging of NaBloPoMo was just a bit much that I had not signed into my blog or even read any of my favorite blogs for pretty much a month. Now, the new year is rolling around and it just does not even feel like another year is ready for me...or if I am ready for a new year. It's probably neither and both all at the same time.

The New Year post will come probably on New Year's Day...go figure. I know. I am so clever. BUT, I guess you are wondering what Miss Babalou has been up to this past month of December. Yes? No? Well, I don't care if you care or noticed that I was on a bit of a hiatus, I will share with you some of my December thoughts.

Note to self: Don't 1) double fist wine glasses every time leave the open bar to return to your table or 2) have 5 or maybe 6 glasses of wine at your company's annual Christmas party.

Note to self: Don't fall (while just standing) in front of your co-workers at the small Christmas after party.

Note to self: Don't fall (while just standing) in front of a new crush.

Note to self: Never have regrets and always find humor in your embarrassments.

Note to self: Find something comparably embarrassing about your crush to tease him about as well...and never let him forget it.

Note to self: Enjoy every moment.

Note to self: Be yourself.

Note to self: Sometimes the most unexpected moments, the most unexpected events, the most unexpected people...will enter your life and offer you the most surprising and refreshing happiness.

Keep on Keepin on.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

I'm Going To Bed Early Tonight

I did it again. I stayed up throughout the entire night and read a book from cover to cover. I don't know why. I was pretty restless all day yesterday and at the same time I didn't want to really do anything either; again, I am a living contradiction. I normally fall asleep on the couch with my dogs around 9pm or 10pm at night while watching the television. If I can't fall asleep and know that I really need to, I will pick up a book and try to read a few pages. This strategy is normally a winner.

Last night, I could not get myself tired and since it was a weekend night, there was no particular reason for me to have to go to sleep. So, I stayed awake and watched random tv shows on E! and Bravo that I have never watched. I finally got restless with the mind wasting tv and decided to opt for sleep. It was just past midnight. I made sure I had my glass of milk I like to have every night before I go to sleep. I picked up the book my jenny-poo suggested I read, got snuggled into bed with my warm doggies, and agreed to get through a chapter of Eating the Cheshire Cat.

I finished the book just past 8am without even realizing the night had completely passed by and the sun had already started to sneak out from behind the clouds. My doggies were waking at this point and were insistent that I feed them immediately. I closed the book as I read the last lines, I let out a big ole sigh, I got out of bed, and I fed the little pumpkins their breakfast. I debated on whether or not I would go about my normal day and stay awake since this would be the normal time I would be emerging out of my slumber to start my day even on a Sunday. I knew that jenny-poo would be calling in a few hours so that we could venture out for some shopping. I knew we would be going to Toys-R-Us, so I decided to take a nap.

Just before 11am, I am awaken by my phone ringing. jenny-poo is confirming our shopping date. I can feel the lack of sleep instantly hit me and I scold myself for staying up all night reading...again. I force myself to get up because I had been looking forward to shopping with jenny-poo and I knew that I desperately needed to get out of the house. I had to capitalize on this opportunity. I made a pot of coffee, I took a shower, I made some biscuits and gravy, and I wrote in my journal. I did all this before jenny-poo showed up at my house for some girlie shopping fun.

Now, I am about to reveal something to you that may be difficult to comprehend. It may be inexplicable. It may be unbelievable. But, it is so very true. Today was the first time I had been in a Toys-R-Us since I was a child. I can't even remember ever going into a Toys-R-Us ever, but I am sure that I did as kid. But, today was the first I had been in a Toy-R-Us as an adult. jenny-poo had to do some Christmas shopping for jakey-poo and I am normally pretty willing to do anything for that dang kid. I love him. So, Toy-R-Us we went. I entered uncharted territory...the big unknown, the large abyss...

jenny-poo says she can't take me anywhere. I played with everything and was in awe with everything. We went to wal-mart to find a few more toys, and I was the exact same way. I am going to blame the lack of sleep for my kid friendly delirium.

I had so much fun today. It was go go go and it went by so quickly. I know now that I can endure Toy-R-Us.


Oh, dear. Michael Phelps is on 60 Minutes. I have lost my train of thought.

Keep on Keepin on.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

My Fortune

It seems the stars aligned today and pushed a cookie with a fortune and a magazine with an interesting horoscope on me today. Oh, wait...that was tummy listening to my craving for Chinese food. Same thing. Blah. Blah.

What was my fortune from my cookie today? "An admirer is too shy to greet you."...

Yeah. With a big fat right.

Maybe if we all cross our fingers and close our eyes and imagine pigs flying...Ok. Sorry. Now I am being a wee bit pessimistic. Maybe the fortune is really talking about me? Perhaps. I am the shy one who admires another and could never in a million finger crossings get the courage to "greet" my crush. Oh, woe is me. Where's the chocolate?

Moving on. So, when I was picking up my Chinese food.. for one.. to take home and gorge while watching "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days"...and wondering why I do things like this to myself...I picked up the local "Gazette" because I enjoy reading a liberal perspective in Republican saturated Oklahoma. Ok. Now I am beginning to digress a little. This is a whole can of politics I don't want to ever get into with anyone I care about, so I will stop with my one snide remark and move on to my point.

Back to my weekly local reader. The Gazette has a weekly horoscope that is normally either/or/a combination of fun, thought provoking, quirky, random...and nothing like the typical horoscope one can find in Teen Magazine or Cosmo...which are fun too. I got a good chuckle out of my weekly horoscope from The Gazette and thanked my lost and confused stars that this week is just about over. Here is what it said:

When he's in his prime, a male panda performs an average of eight handstands a day. There's no apparent evolutionary purpose in this stunt. He does it because it feels good. I suggest you make him your role model in the coming week, Leo. Identify three activities you can do not because they're "good for you" or because they'll advance some goal you're pursuing, but simply for the sheer fun of it. If you can't think of any play-time endeavors that fit this description, do the meditation and research necessary to find some. Whatever deeds you ultimately settle on, do them at least eight times a day. (P.S. Do you know how to do cartwheels?)

First off, I do know how to do a cartwheel, but I don't think it would be very pretty or fun. So that's not going to one of my three things I need to do EIGHT times a day. No way, Mr. Horoscope. Second, does this mean I should go buy the movie "Kung-Fu Panda"??? Because I have been wanting to see it and I have heard it is really funny.

Accepting the fact that I have never been capable of doing a proper handstand; not that I haven't tried numerous times in my life... I have been trying to come up with three "activities" that A) are NOT good for me and B)I like to do for the sheer fun of it. C) and can perform eight times a day. Which should be easy and if it is not, I will come up with something out of the sheer determination that I refuse to do any mediation or research necessary to find something. So, activities? What activity? I am scanning my brain. What could I do eight times a day for the sheer fun of it that is not good for me?

1) Drink wine.
2) Eat chocolate.
3) Blow a puff of air in my dog's face and watch her try to bite the air.

Hahahaha. Done. That was fun. Eight more times to go. Your turn!

Keep on Keepin on.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Must Love Dogs

NaBloPoMo is almost over...and I can't believe how quickly it has passed. Two more days and I will probably go on a blog sabbatical. Well, not really. I still have a lot of blog ideas in my head that I need to get into written/typed words. With that said and me being consistent with my "I'm a walking contradiction" claim, I am having a case of writer's laziness. It's not a block because I have a lot I want to write about, I just am being incredibly lazy and unmotivated tonight. Sorry. Honesty is the best policy.

So, in my lazy pity party on my couch as I was flipping through stations on the television and not being able to find anything that suited my fancy, I finally found the movie Must Love Dogs!!! I love this movie and I haven't seen it in so long. Plus, I love Diane Lane. I love John Cusack. I love Dermot Mulroney. I love dogs. Therefore, the perfect combination to entertain me.

As I started watching Must Love Dogs, I began to relate to Diane Lane's character.
Oh, dear.
I eat alone and many times I eat standing up...and hovering over the sink.
Oh, gosh!! What has come of me?!
I need to get out.
But, dating is so...so...so...scary....so...so...exhausting...so...so...nerve racking...so...so...ugh. I need chocolate. I'll probably eat it standing up while hovering over the sink.

All in all. This movie is adorable.

And so is Durmot Mulroney.

Keep on Keepin on.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

The turkey has gotten to me and I am feeling super sleepy. Hope you had a wonderful gobble gobble day.

Keep on Keepin on.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Let Us Haiku

I was over at One Minute Writer looking at some of the writing impromptu ideas, and found this:

Close your eyes; turn around; and open your eyes. Write a haiku* about the first thing your eyes see.

*In case it's been too long since high school English...a haiku is a poem of three lines. It doesn't need to rhyme. The first line has 5 syllables; second line has 7 syllables ; third line has 5 syllables.

So, I did. I sat in my chair, closed my eyes, pretended that my head could spin around like that freaky possessed Linda Blair child from that freaking movie The Exorcist (I don't know why I thought of this), and opened my eyes. What did I see? My house shoes. My little moccasin knit house boots that I love so so much and are the first things I want to put on my feet as soon as I walk in my house. The best little knit house boots ever and they were an impulse buy in the clearance isle at Old Navy last year. So, Haiku about my moccasin knit house boots it is:

knitted protector
warmth consumes my resting toes
oh, cozy knit home

Give it a shot! Haiku's are so fun and refreshing.

Keep on Keepin on.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Flirxting...My New Favorite Term

I saw this video and I was just in awe at how many TRUTHS it has. Seriously. Is this what finding love has come to? This is exactly the method of getting to know someone I try to avoid. But, alas, flirxting is so common that I can unfortunately admit to being a culprit.

But nothing says funny like cliches, flirxting, douchebag ex-boyfriends, jagger-bombs, and 80's parties. Enjoy.

Keep on Keepin on.

Monday, November 24, 2008

My Love Of Poetry

One of my secret passions is poetry. I keep this passion quite private and I have only let a small handful of people hear/read my poetry, which includes my brother and my tiny creative writing class in college...in which many classmates ditched regularly (not including me). My poetry seems to tend toward the dark and twisty side and I fear it would scare people away since I am normally a fairly positive and optimistic person. It's something I have never been able to understand. I have tried to write happy, cheerful, and even romantic poetry; but those poetry attempts normally end up really cheezy and elementary.

So, instead of sharing my own poetry with you, I have decided to share with you one of my top favorite poems of all time by a poet I greatly enjoy.

Sonnet XVII (17)
by: Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were the salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in the body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I imagine this to be the love I strive to share with someone someday.

Until then, these girls will fulfill the roles of the loves of my life.

Keep on Keepin on.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Tasty Snack Alert!


That's right. I said Snickers Salad. Chocolate candy and salad. Yes, it is an oxymoron, but it is a DELICIOUS oxymoron. AND. On top of the deliciousness, it is SIMPLE and QUICK to make.

Tonight, is my "friends" Thanksgiving. For the last few years, a friend of mine has hosted a Thanksgiving for friends. It is so fun and refreshing and it is a nice little addition to actual Thanksgiving. No one said you only had to have Thanksgiving on one day a year and only with family. Right? So, my friend is all about taking care of all the main Thanksgiving staples and rarely wants a ton of help. Except for dessert. She asked me to bring my famous brownies...as I always am pleased to do. But, someone had this snickers salad at another event and I just had to make it also.

So, enjoy my first attempt at Snickers Salad.

This is what you will need:
4-5 Apples (Granny Smith or Mixed with other types if you prefer)
1/2 bag of grapes (green or red)
1 cup Walnuts or Pecans (chopped)
12 oz Cool Whip
1 small pkg Instant Vanilla Pudding Mix
12 (or more) Fun size Snickers (yay!)

Mix the Cool Whip and Pudding Mix together before adding remaining ingredients.

Chop up the apples and grapes.

Measure out the 1 cup of chopped nuts.

Time for the Snickers!

Chop up the Snickers. I started out chopping in thirds but switched to fourths. The fourths just seemed to be a better choice. Do what you like.

Now mix the apples, grapes, and nuts into the Cool Whip and pudding mix.

Now, add the Snickers! Mix well.

How easy was that? Now, sneak a bite for yourself. Yummy!!!! You can either serve immediately or chill until later.


Keep on Keepin on.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Fun With Friends...And A Movie

We loved Twilight! It was fun, it was good. As long as you don't take the movie too seriously, you will love it. Remember, the story IS cheezy, therefore the movie IS cheezy. The book is fiction, therefore the movie is fiction. Take it for what it is and don't look too deeply into yet. It's FUN! I loved the humor, I loved the "hokey-ness" to it. I thought the director's take of the movie was great. Yeah, there are parts in the book that were left out, but there is A LOT to the book. The movie is already two hours long. I am very pleased with the result since the movie budget was limited and the actors were smaller names when production began. VERY pleased. I think I am going to see it again. I was very tempted to see it again this afternoon...but I stopped myself. My mom wants to see it (tee hee), so I think she and I will make our way to the movie the day after Thanksgiving...or after Thanksgiving dinner. Why the heck not?? eh?

Enjoy and couple of pics and my friends and I just before the movie started.

Keep on Keepin on.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Uber Fabulous Film Friday: Twilight


Would you really expect anything less of me today? Seriously. I don't know how I am going to work all day long. I probably won't. My entire floor I work on will be rumbling from the ridiculous nervous and anxious shaking of my leg. It's going to be like when the church pew shakes when I have to sit through an hour long mass. Anyway, Twilight is finally here, people!!! I already have my tickets in my grubby little hands for this evening. I am going to leave work early to pick up my even more obsessed friend jenny-poo so that we can make it to the theater at least an hour and 15 min. before Twilight begins so we can sit in line for a good seat. I don't even think the hour and 15 min. will be early enough but I am crossing my fingers. The theater is already sold out of our showing. It was sold out yesterday. Crazy. Beautiful.

So, I will do my regular Fabulous Film Friday shenanigans with A LOT of extras.

Here is the Twilight Movie Site where you can find the third and most recent trailer...all 2 minutes and 22 seconds.

And, of course, you can find it right here

And here are the other two trailers:

Synopsis from Yahoo! Movies
Bella Swan has always been a little bit different, never caring about fitting in with the trendy girls at her Phoenix high school. When her mother re-marries and sends Bella to live with her father in the rainy little town of Forks, Washington, she doesn't expect much of anything to change. Then she meets the mysterious and dazzlingly beautiful Edward Cullen, a boy unlike any she's ever met. Edward is a vampire, but he doesn't have fangs and his family is unique in that they choose not to drink human blood. Intelligent and witty, Edward sees straight into Bella's soul. Soon, they are swept up in a passionate, thrilling and unorthodox romance. To Edward, Bella is what he has waited 90 years for -- a soul mate. But the closer they get, the more Edward must struggle to resist the primal pull of her scent, which could send him into an uncontrollable frenzy. But what will Edward & Bella do when a clan of new vampires -- James, Laurent and Victoria -- come to town and threaten to disrupt their way of life?

Twilight explained by members of the cast

Bella and Edward talk in the Cafeteria

2 minutes of extra footage

Robert Pattinson describes Edward Cullen

Rob and Kristen aka Edward and Bella

Rob's favorite scene

I could definitely go even further with my random videos of Twilight clips and Rob clips and pictures a la Rob galore, but I think I have probably already scared some readers away. But, if you are feeling the Twilight need today before you go see the PG-13 Tween porn, check out the site of the author of the Twilight book series, Stephanie Meyer. She has got all kinds of goodies for the Twilight fanatic, including the unfortunately unfinished Midnight Sun...which if you don't already know, is Twilight from Edward's perspective.

Also, you can go here and here and here and here.

The book that started it all

Keep on Keepin on.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Scare Alert

It was a normal day. It was a normal trip to the ladies restroom at the end of a long day. The final trip to the restroom before I threw on my coat and headed down the elevator and walked to my car and drove home. I was the only person in the restroom. I was all alone. Many people had already gone home for the day. I was staying after a little late.

I came out of the stall and started walking toward the sink to wash my hands for 33.35 seconds. I was double checking that my dress pants were zipped all the way up and making sure my shirt was in its appropriate position. I was looking down and my long black hair (it has grown out quite a bit) was flowing down into my face. I wasn't paying close attention to my surroundings. As I turned the stall corner toward the sink, I looked up in the mirror and was instantly frightened at the sight of this...

Don't you hate it when the damn Grudge sneaks up on your ass when you're in the bathroom? Good thing I had already tinkled.

Keep on Keepin on.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Steamboat Willie

Mickey Mouse turned 80years old yesteray...well, kinda. Steamboat Willie did. Steamboat Willie is known as the first public appearance of good ole Mickey, but he had two other cartoon attempts that didn't do so well: Plane Crazy and The Gallopin Gaucho.

Here is some Steamboat Willie information from Wikipedia. I heart Wikipedia. I also found Steamboat Willie in The Walt Disney Family Museum. There is some interesting information here. Like this excerpt I pulled from The Walt Disney Collection:
"He got his first big break because of one seemingly simple flash of inspiration: In a day when cartoon characters were silent, Walt decided to give Mickey Mouse a voice. Other studios had experimented with synchronizing sound and animation, but none had done a particularly successful job. Writes Solomon of Mickey's start, "The first three films . . . were made as silents. Distributors expressed little interest in them: Mickey seemed very similar to Oswald. Disney was asking for $3,000 per film (a considerable sum at the time) and insisted on retaining the rights to the Mickey Mouse character." It was then that Walt decided to spend every dollar he had creating a soundtrack for one of these three cartoons, "Steamboat Willie." It wasn't easy, and a lesser man than Walt would have given up. Musicians didn't keep time to the cartoon . . . a bull-fiddle player turned up drunk . . . money ran short. But the job was finally done. And when "Steamboat Willie" premiered at New York's Colony Theater, it attracted a great deal of attention. The "New York Times" called it "an ingenious piece of work with a good deal of fun." And Mickey was off and running."

So, enjoy Steamboat Willie and wish him a happy be-lated 80th birthday.

and for a little more historical cartoon watching, here is

Plane Crazy:

and The Gallopin Gaucho:

Keep on Keepin on.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


I strongly dislike the word "hate." I try very hard to eliminate this word from my vocabulary and when I catch myself using it, I scold myself mentally and then back track and correct my sentence. In place of the word "hate", I try to use phrases like, "I strongly dislike", "I really do not like" and "I don't like very much." I am sure you catch my drift.

So, today, there just seemed to be a plethora of reasons and instances where the word "hate" would have been a great candidate for usage. I tried really hard not to use it. Hate is so strong of a feeling. Hate is so strong of an emotion. It is as if to hate something so much, to actually "hate" it means you can never take it back. It is etched in stone somewhere in my mind that I actually felt hate for something or someone that it will be on my tombstone after I am gone and I will be forever known as the girl that felt hate for something. Even if it was just for a moment. I can never take it back. Then, I would regret it or be made a fool and proven wrong about my hate.

Today, I strongly disliked many things. I breathed in through my nose and breathed right back out my nose in order to get my temper to calm back down to normal and to find my center. I love finding my center. I dislike my temper rising and believe it or not, I do have a bit of a temper issue. I work on it daily. But, it is inevitable that there are things of this world we cannot control and we cannot avoid. We just have to remember to breathe. We just have to remember to look at all the things that make us happy. We have to think of all that we are grateful. We have to ask ourselves, "Why I am experiencing this right now?" We have to ask ourselves, "What am I supposed to be learning from this?" We have to look past our hate, we have to look past our anger, we have to look past all that is bad and see what is beyond that. Because beyond that is life. A beautiful life.

Keep on Keepin on.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Time Capsule

An hour and a half ago, I was stuck in traffic. Stuck. It's Oklahoma. We never have traffic and I was taking my normal route home. I never get stuck in traffic. My drive home normally takes between 10 to 15 minutes. Today, I was at a standstill and there was no wreck...just people going slow and cutting. That's right. Cutting. I can't believe believe still cut in line. It took me 35 minutes to get home. Twice as long. So frustrating.

So, I was actually listening to a local radio station while I was sitting at a standstill in traffic, and they were asking a fairly interesting question. What would you put in a time capsule? I then started wondering what I would actually put into a time capsule. And what would I want these items to represent? Do I want them to show who I am or do I want the items to represent the year 2008 in general? So, I thought, why not both? What would you put into a time capsule to represent yourself for 2008?

This is an ongoing thought for me. I keep coming up with more items. I would probably need a huge time capsule. I'd like a medium sized trunk as my time capsule, please.

1. My "I voted" sticker on a picture of Obama's face.
2. The "Twilight" poster that came with my "Twilight" CD...because I have no other use for the poster. No, I am not going to hang it on the back of my closet door or above my bed.
3. The itinerary from my trip to Paris in March and a pic of Bridget, Marlene, Laurine and me with it.
4. Ruby's and Nyxie's old collars.
5. A pic I have of my dad, my mom, my brother, my sis, and me when she came here in March to meet for the first time.
6. An empty bottle of wine hopefully from this year.
7. A broken set of drumsticks...(my ex was a drummer.)
8. A letter from me explaining the importance of each item and telling a little about myself and all the main events of my year in 2008.
9. My old rock climbing shoes.
10. Would it be cliche if I put in a mixed CD of my favorite songs? Cause I'd probably do this. I'm not going to put my Ipod in there. As if. I'll put a picture of an Ipod as the CD label. Perfect.
10. Tons of pics! Of my dogs, my family, my house, nature, etc. Anything and everything.
11. ....

I'm still pondering. My list kind of sucks. So boring. So simple. So me. I feel bad for the person that uncovers my time capsule though.

What would you put in a time capsule?

Keep on Keepin on.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Guess What I Did

I bought the "Twilight" soundtrack today. I'm the coolest 26 year old in the flippin world.

And check out this article from the Seattle Times about the first weeks sales record. It's going to be big, people. Big.

And if you were wanting to see some English bloke hot vampire eye candy...here you go...

Pics from InStyle.com's "Sneak Peek: See the Cast of Twilight"

If you want more "Twilight" pics, check out Vanity Fair's "Vampire Games" outttakes.

Yes, I have already pre-purchased my tickets for the movie "Twilight", which will be released THIS FRIDAY, Nov. 21!!!!! Yippee! It's so fun to feel like a teenager again...

and I wonder why I am still single.

Keep on Keepin on.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

No Element of Surprise

I decided I wanted this all white Oneida basketweave 53-piece dinnerware set from Target.

So, I printed off the online page with the picture and all the details of the set, and hung it on my parent's fridge door when they weren't looking. I wrote, "This is what I would like for Christmas"...I know, I am so discrete.

This morning, my mother calls me and asks what my e-mail address is. This is not the first time she has done this. I knew she was trying to purchase something because she and my dad have asked for my e-mail address in the past in order to make purchases since they do not have their own e-mail address. So, about a half hour after I get off the phone with my mother, I get an e-mail. Do you know what it was for? Yup. I got the e-mail confirmation for the all white Oneida basketweave 53-piece dinnerware set from Target...aka MY Christmas gift.

I wonder if she realized the confirmation would get sent to me? Surely she did.

Keep on Keepin on.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Fall Into Me

I decided to name this post "Fall Into Me" before I decided where I was definitely going with it. I knew that I wanted to post some pics I took a few weeks ago of a small tree on the side of my house. I happened to see the tree on its most beautiful blooming day. I rarely notice the North side of my house, but I glanced in this tree's direction as if it was just begging me to notice its beauty. And I did. So, I took my little whipper snapper camera and shot some pics of my little pretty Fall tree.

I am not normally a country music fan, but I do like the music group Sugarland. Their song "Stay" is absolutely amazing and recently won Song of the Year at the CMA's this past week. You should google it. So, since I knew I was going to call this post "Fall Into Me" I decided to google it just like I google almost everything and anything that I can. I found this song "Fall Into Me" by Sugarland and decided to share it with you while you enjoy my pics.

Enjoy some Fall foliage.

All of these photos are straight out of the camera and completely unaltered.

Keep on Keepin on.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Is it really being nice?

Is it really being nice? Is it really being fair?

Have you ever agreed to do something that you really didn’t want to do just for the sake of being nice? Sure you have. We all have. Yes, I really didn’t want to drive all the way to my parent’s house that is half an hour away in my gas guzzler of an SUV, just to drop something off and turn right back around for another half hour drive. But I did it anyway with a smile on my face and positive attitude.

But, when it comes to matters of the heart, are you really sparing someone’s feelings or leading them on? Are you really doing the right thing, or are you really just trying to pretend that you had good intentions?

I have this friend. Really, this isn’t my situation, I promise. I have this friend that likes another acquaintance of ours. This friend has had this little crush on this acquaintance for a few months now. I know, and the acquaintance claims to not be interested in this friend at all. Acquaintance is actually interested in another person and is actively pursuing another relationship. BUT, my friend still asked this acquaintance out for coffee and still seems to be uber hopeful that acquaintance reciprocates more than friends feelings. I know that this acquaintance agreed to the coffee date only because acquaintance didn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings.

I don’t agree with this. I think if someone knows that another person is romantically interested in them, that they should do everything they can to make it apparent from the beginning that they don’t feel the same about them. Be clear. Be honest. Say, yes, as friends. Or simply say no. Don’t be obscure about what your intentions are when you they are opposite of another’s. This is how people get hurt.

Not everyone is going to feel the same about one another. It is the honesty that will make things real and save everyone a lot of confusion, drama, and heartache. I have never been one to create or avoid confrontation, but life does have its ups and downs. Remember, it is how you choose to handle the situations given to you that will define your true character. Who do you want to be? Are you someone who spares others feelings by leading them on with lies? Or are you one to spares someone’s feelings with the truth?

Keep on keeping on.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Firefighter Series: The End of Our First Summer

My last memory of our first summer together was our overnight camping trip...

It was the middle of summer. It was July. Strapping, tall, handsome, all-American, all muscle, all adorable, all wonderfully everything I always go for in a guy, hott-ness firefighter and I had been casually dating for about 3 months. Our friendship and affection for one another had grown and started to blossom. I knew when he came into town, that we would spend time with one another. It was inevitable.

We were learning so much about one another and had decided to take our relationship very slowly for a few reasons. First, the obvious one, is that he lived over an hour and a half away. There were times when he couldn’t come to town. I had gotten used to our situation and since it was summer, I had the freedom and the time to find other things to do with my friends. Secondly, he was a year younger than me and sometimes his actions showed it. Girls, especially me, are sometimes more mature for their age, and guys, especially him, are sometimes a little immature for their age. But, we still fancied one another and enjoyed each others company regardless of this maturity issue. Thirdly, I learned why his immaturity in our relationship even existed.

Strapping, tall, handsome, all-American, all muscle, all adorable, all wonderfully everything I always go for in a guy, hott-ness firefighter had his heart broken prior to me. (Haven’t we all?) But, he was very sensitive to the issue. He had been with his first and last girlfriend throughout high school and most of his post high school experience. She was the only girlfriend he had ever had. He was planning on marrying her until she broke his heart. So, I tried to be understanding and respectful to his hesitation. And because of his hesitation, I was hesitant too. It was a circle of hesitation and infatuation all in one. But, we understood it and accepted. Neither of us was in a hurry to put a title to us.

In mid July, Strapping, tall, handsome, all-American, all muscle, all adorable, all wonderfully everything I always go for in a guy, hott-ness firefighter was planning on coming to town for the weekend. This happened to be the same weekend of my roommate’s birthday. It was also the weekend before my birthday. My roomie’s parents and I had planned on surprising the birthday girl with a small lake party since her parents had a boat. Her family regularly went to the lake and camped out…especially since it was summertime. And strapping, tall, handsome, all-American, all muscle, all adorable, all wonderfully everything I always go for in a guy, hott-ness firefighter agreed to help me and accompany me to the party.

He and I drove out to the lake together. Of course, he had all his own camping equipment and of course, I didn’t even have a sleeping bag; and of course, we planned on sharing all his equipment. He was so helpful in helping set up the party and helping my roomie’s parents with whatever they needed. I learned how to set up a tent too….or at least, I learned how to watch him set it up and pretend to try to be helpful with it.

We went out on the boat and it was the first time I had seen him without his shirt on, and let me tell you, ladies…firefighters are hot. He is Strapping, tall, handsome, all-American, all muscle, all adorable, all wonderfully everything I always go for in a guy, hott-ness firefighter for a reason. A good reason. My insecurity level and feelings of inadequacy definitely skyrocketed in the gorgeous body department. But, I didn’t let it show. I just kept on keeping on with our normal ways. We flirted and pretend fought in the water. I held on to him while he swam and then he would pull me around so that we were face to face. He would hold me in the water and give me sweet affectionate kisses. The sun was setting on the water as we floated arm in arm, face to face, with our mutual sweet affection for one another.

The rest of the evening went by quickly with the grilling of hot dogs, and hamburgers and the sweet crackling of marshmallows for our s’mores. We even went for a small drive before we decided to try and call it a night.

As we walked up the hill toward our perfectly pitched tent, it finally dawned on me that we were about to share this tent. We were about to share the sleeping bags and blankets and pillows that awaited us in the perfectly pitched tent. He was going to see me first thing in the morning. I was going to see his beautiful and perfect face and smile first thing in the morning. I was excited and horribly frightened.

There was no reason to be frightened. As we got into the tent, he made sure I was perfectly comfortable first. Then, he laid down next me. We had decided that we wanted to lay with the tent flap open with our heads near the opening so we could lay there together under the stars. As we laid there together, we talked. We confided. We kissed. He held me as we talked. As we confided. As we kissed. As we fell asleep together in the midst of our talking and star gazing. I fell asleep in his arms with my face against his chest.

We woke up early in the morning. Our heads were still placed near the open flap of our tent. My face was still buried in his chest. He was so warm. He still looked just as beautiful in the mornings. I realized how much of a gentleman he really was. I realized how much I really cared about him. I realized how wonderful he was. I realized how great our relationship was. I realized how easy it was to be around him. I realized a lot that morning as we packed up and headed back home. It frightened me.

What if he didn’t feel the same way?

I had to know. Three months and a sweet, romantic, and innocent overnight camping trip later. I had to know where this was going. I had to know if I was going to get hurt like he had been hurt. I had to know. It was finally getting to me. I had to know.

On the car drive home, I wish I hadn’t have needed to know.

To be continued…

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

It's A Girl!

My bloggy buddy, C, over at Random Thoughts and Musings From the Island had a girl! She is quite early, but more than welcome. Go to her blog and read all about her wonderful and exciting labor and birth. And send her and her husband a congrats!

The happy new parents. (Picture from C's blog.)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Little Tortilla Boy

Somehow, Pablo Francisco never gets old for me. I had a boyfriend around 4 years ago that introduced me to the comedy stylings of Pablo. I still think he is hilarious. I thought I would share the laughter.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

A Tune On A Sunday Afternoon

Well, two tunes. I couldn't decide on just one. Since this is my blog, I can do whatever I please on it. So. There.

Iron and Wine is a great little musical gem. I love them. I have loved them for quite some time now. If you haven't been keeping up, their song, Flightless Bird, American Mouth, was chosen to be on the Twilight soundtrack. woo hoo! Anyway, so enjoy a couple of tunes from Iron and Wine.

Boy with a coin.

Naked as we came. ( I love this video!)

Keep on Keepin on.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Butter, Milk, Eggs

My mother loves all things, QVC, Home Shopping Network, ABC Distributing, and of course Avon and infomercials. We have never been without our random cat houses, night lights that blow fresh scents into the air, lights on a keychain, and pink tool sets. So yesterday, when my mother modeled her newest infomercial purchase, I was not at all surprised or disappointed.

Meet the Over the Shoulder Expandable Organizer from Buxton. Oh, yes. My mom is so proud. Therefore, so am I.

And the ultimate moment in the As Seen On TV spot is when they informatively point out and demonstrate...wait for it...."You'll be so organized, you can find what you need with a BLINDFOLD." Oh yes, the key to life.

I am seriously thinking of experimenting with this by blindfolding my mother and seeing if she can find her common sense.

p.s. Don't you dare forget the FREE digital message reminder. "Butter, Milk, Eggs"

Keep on Keepin on.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Drunken Chess

Thanks to Shoelaces 4 Josie I can finally take my chess game to the next level. Drunken chess. Although I will probably never find someone to play drunken chess with me, the idea of it sounds super fabulous. I love chess. I love wine. How come I never thought about combining the two?

Hmmm. Anyone want to partake? If you have played it, let me know how it went so that I can get incredibly jealous.

Keep on keepin on.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

My Little Gem

It is typical to go about one’s routine on any given day and forget to pay attention to the details. The simplest event, like getting dressed in front of a mirror, can become so monotonous, you forget to even pay attention to the details of yourself…which defeats the point of getting dressed in front of a mirror. Right? I realized today that I have not been paying attention to the small things about myself that make me who I am. And oddly, I didn’t catch it in front of the mirror, either.

My routine. So not exciting, I know. But, when I get dressed, I prefer to put my bottoms on first and take a gander into the mirror with just the pants on. I need to really know how big my butt looks in the pants. Then, once I convince myself that I can do butt crunches later, I decide on a top. So, I essentially get a pretty good amount of time to gawk at myself. Yet, everyday I overlook something that has been there for the past 8 ½ years. I had forgotten that it even exists.

I would consider myself a “good girl”…I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink (excessively), I don’t sleep around. I have always been this way. I have always been a “good girl.” I think my closest friends would probably describe me as the responsible one, the one with a good head on her shoulders, the choir girl priss…because I was and still kind of am. I worry constantly about doing the right thing, being ethical, being fair, following the rules. But, I have always liked edgy-er “things” than I have ever really felt comfortable admitting to liking. Through all my perkiness and goody-two-shoe-ing-ness, I have a bit of a dark streak…or so I like to dream and think.

I like emo sad music that I can sing along with and feel like I am capable of true emotion. I like dark metal screaming music especially if Jared Leto is the one who is screaming sweet sad emo filled nothings into my ears. I also like tattoos. I always wished I could be one of those girls that looks super hot with tattoos on her arms. Some can’t pull it off…probably me. But, there are some girls that all the body art looks so gorgeous and sexy. I get so jealous of them. I would never even have the guts to get a tattoo that would be exposed all the time. I have one tattoo. Small. I love it. It’s hidden. You would never know I have a tattoo. I have been talking about getting another one. I know exactly where I want it and exactly what I want. It would be bigger, badder, and beautiful. I am just not sure if I am ready to go “all the way.”

Then there is the whole issue of wanting to be classy. I always strive to be as classy as possible, but sometimes my honesty, bluntness, lack of a filter, and constant occasional potty mouth tend to set me back. So I figure that if I don’t have any obvious and unremovable proofs of my inability to be classy ALL the time, I can fake my uber classiness when it is required.

Then there are those things that we overlook everyday. Those things we forget are part of who we are and may be forever. The thought of removing them has come to mind, but then quickly shewed away because it is one of our few ways of being “dark” or “twisty” or “rad”…yes, I just said rad. Try it. You might like it. Anyway, these things that are our secret…so secret we forget that we still have it.

I still have my belly button pierced. I had it done 8 ½ years ago, two months before my 18th birthday. My mom held my hand. My dad squeeled in a corner behind a curtain looking the other direction. I can’t believe they let me do it! And, at the ripe young age of 26, I still have the little gem in my naval. Today, I don’t really know what the appeal of it is. The excitement is definitely gone. But, I still can’t get myself to remove it. I seriously thought about it once and then decided and convinced myself that I look very strange without it. I still think this. It has become a part of me. It has history. Isn’t that sad?

How can I hold a belly button piercing on such a high pedestal? I’ve given it life and purpose. It makes me feel like I am not the goody-two-shoes I have always been. I don’t go parading my belly around to ANYONE, it is like my little secret…well, it was until this post. But, my little belly button caught my attention today and I realized that I had overlooked the little gem for so long. I briefly considered the idea of removing it for good, but again, convinced myself that all the history my little gem and I have is priceless. I’ll keep it for a little bit longer.

So, take a good look at yourself today. You are who you are. Secrets and all.

Keep on Keepin on.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


No one likes a sore loser or a sore winner. Both are equally obnoxious for their own specific reasons. Remember to concede gracefully and with class as well as be humble and gracious in your victories. I am very pleased with both McCain's and Obama's reaction's to the election results. If only the average American will follow these great examples. Look forward, not backward.

Image from barackobama.com

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Riddle Me This??

It's one of the great wonders of the world. But, riddle me this. If we are supposed to have separation of church and state...why is it that many polling stations are located in churches??? Just curious. Regardless...Get Your Vote On!

In the OKC area, if you have your "I Voted" Sticker, you get freebies!!! Free cup of coffee at Starbucks, Free 3-piece chicken nuggets at Chik-fil-A, and a Free star shaped doughnut from Krispy Kreme.

Keep on Keepin on.

Monday, November 03, 2008


I'm going to try really really hard!

It's National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo)! I watched so many bloggers do it last year and I thought to myself, "There is no way I could do it!"...Well, I am going to try it this year.

I like the way Derfwad Manor phrased it:
...a marathon writing event where bloggers all over the world commit to 30 posts in 30 days. If you are looking to increase your readership, fortifying your writing chops, interested in finding new and different blogs, head over there and check it out."

....and I am totally "borrowing" the following pic from her page because I think it is super swell.

I hope I can keep up with the fancy and wonderful bloggers that I have come to love the last few years. Wish me luck!!!

Keep on Keepin on.


Someone from work carved this Barack-o-Lantern this past weekend. I thought I'd share her talents.

Don't forget to get up and stand in a super uber long line tomorrow to cast your vote! Regardless of who you support! And you don't even have to tell anyone about it. Just do it! And remember to be patient and to be kind!

Keep on Keepin on.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Get Your Rock On

Two summers ago, a friend of mine and I started rock climbing...well, indoor rock climbing. I loved it. I had never really been an athletic person growing up. Participating in the arts was more my thing and I left the running and working out for those far more capable than I. I was able to get away with it because I was young and had a high metabolism. Fast forward to my mid twenties and my body doesn't know what a metabolism is anymore. Like most women I know, we have to work on staying fit and healthy.

I tried jogging, which somewhat worked. I get bored after about a mile and a half. I lose motivation almost instantly. So, when I started rock climbing, I knew I had found something that could keep me from getting bored. Rock climbing forces me to challenge my mind and my body simultaneously. But, I still am not athletic. I am definitely not good at rock climbing, but I still love trying it every chance I get. Especially since it helps me overcome my fear of heights.

I hadn't climbed in nine months until yesterday. I don't know why I have been away from climbing for so long! I was reminded of the person I used to be and who I want to get back to being. Confident, strong, determined, focused. These are qualities I want to strive to get back and I feel I have somewhat lost in the last few years. It is amazing to find something that will help you become the better person you continue to strive to be. I found my niche. I just need to hold on to it and never give up on it again.

I introduced two friends of mine to rock climbing yesterday. They had never been climbing before and they absolutely loved it. I have introduced a few other friends to climbing in the past, and they too fell in love with the sport. There is something so wonderful about rock climbing that makes a person feel so amazing about themselves. It is such a confidence builder. I have seen friends discover parts of themselves they never knew existed, just as I did. I think this is the most fulfilling aspect of rock climbing. I love experiencing all the emotions, excitement, and accomplishment for myself, but I love even more being able to share these moments with friends.

So, I am making a promise to myself to keep it up. To keep taking care of myself physically and emotionally. It's the least I can do. And if I can get most of my friends to love climbing as much as I do, then I will never be without a great climbing partner. No excuses.

So, what do you love to do that you get an incredible sense of accomplishment from? Is there anything you love to do that you have put on the back burner for a while and you don't know why? Remember, stay true to who you are and what makes you feel good about yourself. It's never too late to make positive changes in your life.

Keep on Keepin on.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Happy Be-lated Halloween!

Hope everyone got treats and no tricks yesterday. I thought I would share some of my Halloween photos with you. My three friends and I were Average Joe's from the movie Dodgeball.

Can anyone guess who who my friend with the long black wig is supposed to be?

And a Sean Connery from SNL's Jeopardy skits and a Mexi-can.

And we had an adorable little Juno.

Too bad we didn't have a Hot IT Nerd in the mix.

Keep on Keepin on.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I AM....

An absolute social retard. Please don't be offended by my use of "retard"...it's nothing personal.

There are a few particular instances that prove my social retardedness.

Scene 1: I'm coming back to work from lunch. Just minding my own business, I am walking to the elevator. Of course, Hot IT Nerd is walking in my direction toward the elevator from the other entrance of the building. He is pushing some dolly thingy, I am sure he has been moving Hot IT Nerd computer equipment around. He pushes the dolly toward me and asks, "Hey, do you want a ride?" I am sure that I am bright red in the face...and of course I go absolutely mute. All I can do is smile and let out a retarded school girl giggle. In my mind I am thinking..."That's what she said" and "You betcha, you Hot IT Nerd, you." sigh.

Scene 2: We are finally in the elevator. There is another IT person with him and it is the three of us going up to our floor. Of course, I find a way to huddle in the corner of the elevator and try to pretend that I don't exist. The two of them are standing pretty close by for some reason. Hot IT Nerd says, "I am so ready for the weekend." Keep in mind that I am competely aware that this is an opportune moment ask, "Oh, do you have big plans?" or "What are you going to do?" or "Has it been a tough week, do I need to give you a massage?" But, no. Again, I go mute. I just smile and nod. He looks to other IT person for conversation after he realizes I am socially retarded. Sigh.

Scene 3: A Monday morning. I walk into my building toward the elevator. Who is standing at the elevator, of course? Hot IT Nerd. My palms start pouring sweat. He says, "Good Morning." I manage somehow to return the gesture. Thank goodness. We get on the elevator and he asks, "Did you have a good weekend?" I manage to stutter, "yes." He asks, "Did you do anything exciting?" I stutter, "No." He asks, "Did you watch the game?" Again, I stutter, "No." And to make my conversational skills even more enticing, I manage to sputter out, "I just cleaned my house." Note: I am a total loser at this point...and it gets worse. As we get off the elevator and walk into our office area, he asks, "That's all? You just cleaned?" and of course, my social retard skills come to play and say, "Yeah, I have no life." OMG!!! Shoot me in the mouth, please! Not only did I make myself out to be a complete boring loser, but I never asked if he did anything exciting over the weekend. He probably thinks I am soooo rude...and strange.

Scene 4: It's a Thursday night. It has been a few weeks since above mentioned Scene 3. I am praying that all is forgotten. I overheard earlier in the day Hot IT Nerd saying he was taking the next day off. My heart was totally broken. I wouldn't be able to sneak peaks at him everytime he walks by my cubicle. As I gather up my things, I leave for the day completely bummed out that I won't be graced with his presence the next day. Again, I am waiting at the elevator. It is taking forever! Longer than normal. I am getting impatient. I hear someone coming. Guess who turns the corner? Of course, Hot IT Nerd.

My palms are instantly drenched in sweat. My mind is racing. I have to say something to redeem myself from scenes 1-3. I HAVE TO! I remember that he is taking time off. Ding. That's it! I should ask if he is going to do anything exciting. Oh, gosh. He's smiling at me. I've lost my train of thought. I smile back. I open my mouth. Nothing comes out. Dang it! Why won't anything come out??!!! I make a noise. What the heck was that? Was that me attempting to talk? I think I attempted to say, "I heard..." but everything I was thinking came out in one big ball of social retard mush. He gives me a funny look. Oh, gosh. He heard it??!! He smirks and tries not to laugh, and says, "What?" I mentally re-charge myself. Get a grip! I tell myself. I say, "I heard you are taking some time off. Are you doing anything special?" YES!! I did it! I said a sentence and I asked about him!!! YES!!!!!

Of course, I am thinking, he is probably going to go somewhere cool and exciting and romantic with his supposed perfect girlfriend (note: we do not know if he has a girlfriend, I recently found out that he is NOT engaged! YES!) Or he is going to hang around and not do much, just be away from work and the social retard that is me. No. He proves his perfect existence is really just that....perfect. You know what he is taking time off for??? To help his grandparents move! That's it. I'm officially smitten. Not that I wasn't before. He becomes Mr. Chatty Cathy and tells me all about where his GP's live and why they are moving. Details. I got details. It was so nice. As we get off the elevator, he is still talking. We park on opposite sides of our building. As he is talking, what am I doing? I totally have to prove my social retardedness. Rather than stand there and keep our conversation going, I start to slowly inch my way the opposite direction!!! What the hell? Since I have recovered from my muteness, my body has to get a mind of it's own??!! Seriously. I can't believe it. He obviously notices that I am inching away. He gets the point. I say, "Well, have a good time off." Like that really makes any sense. And we go our seperate ways. I kick myself in the ass on my way out the door because I totally deserve it.

Scene 5: Lunch time. Hot IT Nerd rarely takes a lunch. He normally heats up his leftovers that he cooked the night before...( I have learned that he is apparently a really good cook. Yes, I am telling you, he is absolutely friggin perfect.) In order to get from his cubicle to the fridge and microwave, he has to walk by my cubicle. I normally try to work my lunch around his so that I can be here for this. Yes, I am a loser. I look forward to this lunch moment that we get to pass a look and a smile. This particular lunch time, I am actually working hard. I have a deadline. I am completely zoned out. I guess it is obvious, because I didn't notice Hot IT Nerd walking my way back to his cubicle. As he walks by, and for some reason I am not noticing, he leans in closer to my area and says, "Don't work so hard." I am totally caught off guard. I am startled. I look up and say with absolute eloquence, "huh?" He laughs. He stops and stands there and he repeats, "You shouldn't work so hard." My palms instantly start pouring sweat as usual. My mind is racing. My heart is fluttering. He is obviously wanting to maybe chit chat a bit. All I can manage to get is a giggle and a "yeah" and a smile. Then I look directly back at my work and scold myself in my head for the rest of the day about how socially retarded I am.

Scene 6: Yesterday. I get an e-mail informing me I have to do some hi-tech IT crap to my computer...that I obviously do not understand whatsoever. Light bulb! I instantly forward the mail to Hot IT Nerd and ask if I really have to this hi-tech IT crap to my computer. He replies instantly, with "I'll take care of it." Be still my heart. My Hot IT Nerd will save me from the hi-tech IT crap and sweep me off my socially retarded two left feet. He's at my desk in a jiff...and might I add...he seems somewhat eager. But, I have convinced myself that he loves saving anyone from hi-tech IT crap and proving his higher intelligence and perfection to everyone...not just me. He is at my desk. He is being my chivalrous IT hero. I LEAVE! What the heck? I go over to someone else's cubicle and talk. There is seriously something wrong with me. Of course, Hot IT Nerd fixes my computer issues very quickly. He comes over to where I am at and explains to me what he did and what I need to do from this point. I must have obviously looked totally dumbfounded, since I was pondering what is seriously wrong with me, because after he is done with his hi-tech speech he laughs and says, "Don't worry. If you need me, I'll be right over there. Just come get me." My heart if fluttering. My palms are drenched. He is perfect.

Of course I can't figure out what the hell he was talking about when I get back to my computer and nor do I want to. I would much rather him come back to my cubicle and stay here forever and ever. Without me asking, he comes out of nowhere. He is standing behind my chair and asks if I figured it out. He really is my night and shining IT nerd. As he stands over me trying to show me hi-tech IT crap on my computer, I am totally in a daze. I am not paying attention to anything he is really saying. I am mesmerized by how close he is to me. He has a bit of a five o'clock shadow going on. His ears are bright red. Why are his ears bright red? This is what I focus on. I don't know how I look or how obvious my gauking is, but I notice the girls I work with are all laughing (they know I have a crush on Hot IT Nerd). They of course think it is hilarious. I am completely incapable of responding to anything he is saying other than a "uh huh" and a nod. That's it. Nothing else. And then he was gone.

So there you go. I am sure there will be many more scenes and proof of my social retardedness because I think the big guy upstairs is using me for his entertainment. Think about it. I never run into the same person at the elevator as often as I do Hot IT Nerd. Coincidence? Or a big joke someone is playing on me?

Keep on Keepin on.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I am lucky. I have always been a believer in following my heart and making decisions big or small even if when I weigh my options, I might have an unpredictable future with the option I feel is the best fit for me at the time. Sometimes I feel like I am a walking contradiction, which leaves me completely lost and wondering who I am...at the same time knowing that this is exactly who I am supposed to be at this moment.

I have always been a carefree planner. I like to dabble and appreciate a little bit of everything, but don't let myself get overly obsessed about anything... with the exception of my dogs. I like to know where I am going, where I might go, and be able to choose if I really want to go or not. Yet, I always feel like I have no idea what I want to be and where I might be when I grow up or even next week.

I recently left a job and started a new career with huge "if's", "and's", and "but's" cloaked all over my horizon. The uncertainties, the new work environment, the new responsibilities, the new insecurities, and the pay cut were all so overwhelming. But, I knew that the career change was the best option at the time and I went with it full speed with blinders on. I had the support of the supposed love of my life.

A month later, the supposed love of my life moved out of the house and out of my life. Leaving me with twice the bills and half the income. In two months, my everyday life was completely changed, completely foreign to what I had known for so long. For the first time in three years, I was lost. Completely lost and feeling pathetically alone. I didn't let it get to me. I still got up everyday and faced my life full speed with blinders on.

I am lucky. I was able to realize my self worth. I am worthy of happiness, success, and love; as is everyone else on this earth. I am not the only one with struggles and tough decisions; so many people feel like their world is crashing around them and that they are drowning in life's obstacles. So many people feel like they will never recover, they will never overcome, they will never get ahead; but they will. It is hard to see the beauty that surrounds you when you will only allow yourself to see with blinders on.

I am lucky. I have a friend who is going through a tough almost break up with her fiancee. She was forced to move out of their nice big house and into a single lonely apartment. As we sat in her apartment with her unpacked boxes surrounding us, she confided that she didn't know what to do. Should her and her fiancee try to work it out? She has been seeing a therapist. She seemed to be putting a lot of blame on herself and telling me all the things her fiancee said were wrong with her. I did not hesitate to ask her strongly and firmly what she wanted. Does she want to work things out with someone that makes her feel so unworthy of his time? Does she truly want to be with him? Is she happy when she is with him? When she talked about their relationship, their relationship seemed to be centered around him and primarily what he wanted or didn't want. She needed to focus on herself now. What did she want? Out of a life mate? Out of life?

These are the questions. What do you want? Are you letting someone else's "wants" overshadow your true happiness? I had realized this during my break-up. I didn't want my ex. I wanted someone, but not him. I had compromised too much. Compromise is good, but don't compromise your greater good. What you want out of your life is very important, and the people who truly love you will support your decisions.

I am lucky. I love my job. I love my work. I love my decisions the past few months. I love me. My desk sits on the fifth floor, overlooking grass, trees, openness and pure beauty. I have my moments of doubt. I have my moments of insecurity. But as I look outside over the horizon today, I can't find my blinders. I just see beauty.

Keep on Keepin on.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Fabulous Film Friday....Kinda

Ok. You are more than likely going to shun me, point your fingers and laugh at me, stick your nose up at me, or talk bad about me behind my blogging back...but I cannot tell a lie. I have been holding back all my desires to see High School Musical 3...I know...throw your stones. Just get it over with.

I had never seen any of the High School Musical movies and I had never had a desire to...until all the brain washing movie trailers for HSM3 with their cute catchy musical tunes and Zac Efron plastered all over my television screen completely sucked me in against my will. I also DIDN'T catch myself watching High School Musical 2 on the Disney Channel last night during Grey's Anatomy's commercial breaks.

I have been slowly falling in love with Zac Efron for quite some time now and with his 21st birthday last week, I figured it is ok to admit my secret love for him now that I can legally get him drunk...if the opportunity presented itself.

AND, I have convinced myself that he is only with Vanessa Hudgens because she looks like me. (I do what I can to keep myself going every day.)

I probably won't go see HSM3 on the big screen, and if I did, I wouldn't tell anyone and I would probably go incognito. I will more than likely wait for it to go to video and get it On Demand in the privacy of my own home...and I will more than likely sing along because that is what you do with musicals.

And back to my Zac, word is that he is scheduled to play Ren McCormack in a re-make of Footloose!!!! How flippin exciting is that? Seriously, I know I am not the only woman excited about this! Admit it. Don't hold back anymore. This is a safe place. I won't tell anyone. We can go see this one on the big screen together when it finally premiers and we won't have to go incognito. I just can't resist a guy who can sing, dance, and act with gorgeous blue eyes and abs.

All you girls fell in love with Kevin Bacon when you saw him do this...he stole all our hearts. Now we get to see Zac do it!!

Keep on Keepin on.