It is typical to go about one’s routine on any given day and forget to pay attention to the details. The simplest event, like getting dressed in front of a mirror, can become so monotonous, you forget to even pay attention to the details of yourself…which defeats the point of getting dressed in front of a mirror. Right? I realized today that I have not been paying attention to the small things about myself that make me who I am. And oddly, I didn’t catch it in front of the mirror, either.
My routine. So not exciting, I know. But, when I get dressed, I prefer to put my bottoms on first and take a gander into the mirror with just the pants on. I need to really know how big my butt looks in the pants. Then, once I convince myself that I can do butt crunches later, I decide on a top. So, I essentially get a pretty good amount of time to gawk at myself. Yet, everyday I overlook something that has been there for the past 8 ½ years. I had forgotten that it even exists.
I would consider myself a “good girl”…I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink (excessively), I don’t sleep around. I have always been this way. I have always been a “good girl.” I think my closest friends would probably describe me as the responsible one, the one with a good head on her shoulders, the choir girl priss…because I was and still kind of am. I worry constantly about doing the right thing, being ethical, being fair, following the rules. But, I have always liked edgy-er “things” than I have ever really felt comfortable admitting to liking. Through all my perkiness and goody-two-shoe-ing-ness, I have a bit of a dark streak…or so I like to dream and think.
I like emo sad music that I can sing along with and feel like I am capable of true emotion. I like dark metal screaming music especially if Jared Leto is the one who is screaming sweet sad emo filled nothings into my ears. I also like tattoos. I always wished I could be one of those girls that looks super hot with tattoos on her arms. Some can’t pull it off…probably me. But, there are some girls that all the body art looks so gorgeous and sexy. I get so jealous of them. I would never even have the guts to get a tattoo that would be exposed all the time. I have one tattoo. Small. I love it. It’s hidden. You would never know I have a tattoo. I have been talking about getting another one. I know exactly where I want it and exactly what I want. It would be bigger, badder, and beautiful. I am just not sure if I am ready to go “all the way.”
Then there is the whole issue of wanting to be classy. I always strive to be as classy as possible, but sometimes my honesty, bluntness, lack of a filter, and constant occasional potty mouth tend to set me back. So I figure that if I don’t have any obvious and unremovable proofs of my inability to be classy ALL the time, I can fake my uber classiness when it is required.
Then there are those things that we overlook everyday. Those things we forget are part of who we are and may be forever. The thought of removing them has come to mind, but then quickly shewed away because it is one of our few ways of being “dark” or “twisty” or “rad”…yes, I just said rad. Try it. You might like it. Anyway, these things that are our secret…so secret we forget that we still have it.
I still have my belly button pierced. I had it done 8 ½ years ago, two months before my 18th birthday. My mom held my hand. My dad squeeled in a corner behind a curtain looking the other direction. I can’t believe they let me do it! And, at the ripe young age of 26, I still have the little gem in my naval. Today, I don’t really know what the appeal of it is. The excitement is definitely gone. But, I still can’t get myself to remove it. I seriously thought about it once and then decided and convinced myself that I look very strange without it. I still think this. It has become a part of me. It has history. Isn’t that sad?
How can I hold a belly button piercing on such a high pedestal? I’ve given it life and purpose. It makes me feel like I am not the goody-two-shoes I have always been. I don’t go parading my belly around to ANYONE, it is like my little secret…well, it was until this post. But, my little belly button caught my attention today and I realized that I had overlooked the little gem for so long. I briefly considered the idea of removing it for good, but again, convinced myself that all the history my little gem and I have is priceless. I’ll keep it for a little bit longer.
So, take a good look at yourself today. You are who you are. Secrets and all.
Keep on Keepin on.