Oh, the relief

Paper number 2 is submitted. Only 2 more to write and I am done for the semester. The relief of finishing a paper is so wonderful. Even if I feel like it is not the greatest paper, I am still relieved that it is done. Last week, I worked on a paper for three days and I could not figure out why I was having such a difficult time wrapping my brain around the topic and just let myself write. I felt as if the paper was definately not my best. When I received the grade back, I found the the professor seemed to like it quite a bit and gave me a grade that was far from my expectations. I was happy and relieved. I hope to do as well on the next papers. Happy writing!

Dead Week

Who came up with dead week? Obviously, it was not someone who really had anything worthwile to do in school. With four papers due, and not a single one really started, I am in major disagreeance that this is going to be a "dead" week. I do this to myself every semester. I have multiple projects to complete at the end of the semester and question my ability to get any of it accomplished. Either I am setting myself up for major disappointment or trying to give myself obvious reasons for praise. Whichever way, I will either be dead from exhaustion or dead from failure to complete the tasks. So, it really will be a dead week in the end.

Required Health Insurance

I was watching CNN this early Sunday afternoon, while I ate my Sunday morning breakfast, when I came across a topic that sparked an interest. I can't remember the state representative's name off the top of my head right now, but he was from the state of Massachussets. Apparently, the state has recently passed a state bill requiring all of its residence to have health insurance. At first I strongly questioned the motives, justifications and methods the state would use in requiring all residents to have health insurance. after listening to what the rep. had to say in his explanation, I began to support and like what the bill had to offer and how the new bill would be implemented. I am going to research more about it, but I would suggest that everyone look into it, because it seems that if it will work in Massachussets, then state and even the nation may implement the same ideas in the future.

What weekend?

You know that feeling when you leave work on a Friday afternoon and you actually somewhat dread the weekend ahead of you???? Not because of what is planned but because of everything that is planned.

I left work on Friday feeling incredibly overwhelmed and exhausted. I had a horrible day and week and realized how unhappy I am with my job....then I remembered: My roommate has two houseguests from France staying with us, it is my roommates birthday, I have a friend who is in town for the weekend whom I have not seen in months ( and truly miss), a boyfriend who wants to spend time with his friends and not mine (even though mine are only in town for the weekend and his live here), a bike rally/poker run my boyfriend wishes to participate, another friend's birthday, homework, papers, and studying and emotional outlet time...there is just not enough time for all.

I feel horrible because I don't feel like I was living every moment. There were so many great things going on this weekend, but the idea of getting to the next thing made me not fully enjoy the now...I can't stand it when I do this. I didn't get to see Tiffany from Austin and I do not know when she will be back, I enjoyed dinner with Bridget and friends but wished I could have stayed out later, and the poker run was fun but I was so tired and worried about the homework I had to do that day.
I did not get to hang out Friday with Marlene, Laurine, Bridget, Tiffany, Mandy, etc. like I had planned and wanted and ended up crying myself to sleep (alone) for other reasons. I woke up angry Saturday and forced myself to get up and shop for Bridget's birthday, which made me feel a lot better. I also got to make up some time with Bridget (on her birthday), Marlene, and Laurine with breakfast and some group girl shopping. I feel really guilty about that evening because, while at Makers, I did not get to conversate and catch up with an old friend like I had planned and wanted becuase I dedicated in pleasing the birthday girl and boyfriend. and on top of all this, I never even called the other friend to wish him a happy birthday. And, I never did any homework, writing or studying. Also, I knew that another friend that I love dearly, was neglected by me. She was alone this weekend, missing her husband, and I never once got around to calling or going over to check up on her.

I feel as if I have been a bad friend and person for all the little things that I did not accomplish. What is the point of getting to big things if the little things are forgotten; a simple happy birthday to Michael, a little how are you doing to Yukino, a few minutes of catching up with Tiffany while she is sitting in front of me, a few minutes of visiting with friends down the street with Mikey instead of feeling sorry for myself, and leaving Bridget early on her birthday in order to get to bed because I know I have to get up early in the morning????

I feel like such a jerk and I apologize to those I have neglected in my selfish rush for seemingly bigger things.

did you miss me?

So, I have not posted on this blog in quite some time now...my apologies. In honor of "missing", as in things, I will let you know what is going on in my advanced comp class. Our first essay was due this evening/morning, whichever you prefer, and the topic was to write about a favorite show we watched growing up. well, there are many choices in which I know many of you share, such as the obvious, Saved by the Bell, Full House, Family Matters, Friends, and so on and so on. I decided to with a show that actually I am embarrassed to admit, I loved and still enjoy...Dawson's Creek. I was a Dawson junkie. I even was nerdy enough to throw Dawson Creek season premier parties and season finale parties, what is even funnier is that I had dorky enough friends that actually showed up and salivated through the show with me; god, we were such losers!!!! So, in preparation for this essay, I went to the official Dawson's Creek website, which I was shocked to see is still in existence, and found most memorable lines. Oh the memories that poured out of me while reading through some of these. Here is one for your tastebuds:

JEN: Look, Joey, you know, now that the proverbial wedge we so fondly refer to as Dawson Leery is no longer between us, we could actually be friends. I know -- I know, it's a bizarre concept, but we might find that we have something more in common than just the boy next door. Okay. Or not.
JOEY: We don't have to like wash each other's hair, or do each other's nails, do we?

What is up with the big words they used? I never fully understood what the hell they were talking about half the time. ok, ok. one more. do we all remember the dorky Breakfast Club spoof they did? great stuff but so not at the same time:

DAWSON: This is so "Breakfast Club".
JEN: "Breakfast Club"?
DAWSON: You know, the John Hughes movie where the five kids are stuck in detention all day...
JOEY: Yeah. At first they hate each other, and then they become really, really good friends.
JEN: Oh, yeah. That movie stunk. Yeah, whatever happened to those actors?
DAWSON: Well, Anthony Michael Hall got some kind of weird thyroid condition, Molly Ringwald lost her gawky ingenue appeal, and the rest are languishing somewhere in TV obscurity.
PACEY: No way! Emilio Estevez, he was in those duck movies, remember? God, those were classics! So funny. What?

I loved Pacey.
I hope you all have enjoyed. What are some of your favorite shows growing up?

A State of Mind

Is love a state of mind? I have always questioned how it is that we come to know that we love someone. Is it out of obligation, routine, or is is actually something larger than we could ever understand and we just succumb to this gripping idea of LOVE and loving someone else and even letting them love us in return?
Love was never a word that was often spoken in my household growing up, but it was at the same time, something that was always felt. I don't ever recall my mother or father expressing the actual world "love" to me until after I had already moved out of the house at age 17 and started college; even then, I do believe that I said it first. I could tell that the word coming out of my mouth was shocking and maybe a little uncomfortable for my mother and father and very suprising to me. I never realized that saying the word would be so trivial and tremendous all at one moment. One moment that I think has defined me ever since.
To this day, I have a very difficult time expressing the words vocally towards people I "care" about. I feel overhwelming discomfort and anxiety at the thought of knowing that I will need to reciprocate such expressive vocabulary. I have always had friends that felt it was normal and a part of everyday life to say "I love you" whether they are getting off the telephone, saying goodbye after lunch, or even writing it in an e-mail...all just to say "I love you." I believe I have said it more to friends in habit of reciprocation than I have said it to my own parents in my lifetime out of genuine gratefullness. But, I know with them, that they know I do love them.
How can we expect people to always know that we do love them? How do we know it is the right time and right person to express such a small yet incredibly powerful word? I have heard over and over again that "you just know." So, I am teaching and encouraging myself to trust in my own instincts in the matters of my feelings, even though I am probably the worst at expressing what I know is filling my heart. I have so much love inside of me to give out to all those that I know love me, but I hope my actions filled with love are enough until I figure out how to say "love" without someone saying it to me first.

Let Nature Take Its Course

Nature definately took its course and made my tiny getaway a big success. We had no idea that it was going to snow this past weekend and we were so pleased that it had. The ambiance of this cabin permeates you as soon as you pull in the dirt road entrance. The imagination is proven true to all of its anticipation as soon as we open the door and step into a cozy warm country home with its cinnamon and spice air. A definate success, a perfect little overnight or weekend retreat, and a place to feel like you are home away from home. The inability to use our cell phones, the cabinets and refrigerator stocked for our taste buds, and a crackling fireplace to accompany you as you read a book from the wonderful collection supplied in their bookcase. A strong recommendation from me anytime and I know I will return soon.

A little R&R at a little B&B

Oh, I am so excited about tonight! I have reserved a little log cabin north of Luther for the night. It is a 3 story log cabin, out in the sticks, with horses roaming the property, and a wrap around porch with little rocking chairs. It is through the Horseshoe Inn in Guthrie and I think it is going to be wonderful. I think the temperature will be getting down into the teens tonight, so the rock fireplace is going to be so nice to sit in front of. Another thing that makes this little love nest so nice is that the host of the B&B will come out the following morning and serve brunch. She also leaves food and snacks at the cabin for the evening. I will definately let you know how it all really is and get some pics.

Grey's Anatomy

I love Grey's Anatomy. I love it more than Desperate Housewives. The episode tonight was especially gripping with the bomb in the cavity, Bailey refusing to give birth because her husband is being operated on by McDreamy, the chief having an anxiety attack, and Meredith possibly dying!!!!! wheewwww. That is a lot. Oh, and the two sex kittens in the linen closet...can't forget about that. I really wish McDreamy would tell Miranda he loves her and leave his cheating wife!!!!!!! Arggggghhhhhhhh. And how dare she yell at George. George is so sweet and innocent. I can't wait for next week!!

Bachelor Blog

Here is a wonderful blog if you like The Bachelor. Very funny commentary.
Enjoy!!!!!!!
http://thebachelorrecaps.blogspot.com/

Adopt a dog

I have really been wanting to adopt a furry and loyal friend. I have been looking online at various dog rescue sites and local shelters. I have some favorite types of dogs but not sure how it would be to own one. I am also unsure of health problems that some of these shelter and adopted pets would bring along with them, but at the same time, some of these animals need just as much love as any human being. I went to Paws on Parade at PetSmart last weekend, and my heart just sank for all the lonely and homeless puppies and dogs. I almost feel guilty and selfish for wanting a full breed and fully healthy dog. These are some breeds of dog I am thinking of purchasing: Brussel Griffon, bulldog, rottweiller, golden retriever, maltese, yorkshire terrier. All are really cute when they are little and normally grow up to be pretty good looking dogs. Does anyone have any suggestions or tips on any of these dogs? I would love all the dog advice I can get. Here are just a couple of sites I have checked out.
http://www.1-800-save-a-pet.com/shelterpages/70397.html -Edmond Shelter
http://www.sgrr.org/ Oklahoma Golden Retriever Rescue
http://muttcats.com/shelters/oklahoma.htm Hurricane Katrina Relief

My Space

I used to make fun of people who used face book and my space. Most of my friends are using my space now, I was a little hesitant at first about its "coolness." After monitoring a few of my friends' my space accounts, my space has really grown on me. It is definately one of those things that you should "not knock it until you try it." I recently set up my own account becuase I think I like it better than blogger and it is easier to communicate with my friends. It is also easier to maneuver and add interesting facts about yourself, pics, music, and friends' links. I feel like such a lemming just trying to be one of the "cool kids." Oh, well. I have not added all my info on my space yet, I need to find the time to fill in my profile, but it is up and running. I would recommend My space to anyone interested in fun blogging and friendship communication.

Music to your ear?

I recently purchased a new CD. I have been wanting the new James Blunt CD and finally gave in to it. I love it. It is so relaxing and just has good songs. I love buying new CDs. For a while, I was buying new CDs left and right from Amazon. Amazon is a great site! I have been getting better about not just purchasing random stuff. CDs that I am looking forward to purchasing: Beyonce's new one, My Chemical Romance, Foo fighters, Coldplay, and many others that I need to find out the names of. I always love songs, but forget who sings them. I recently purchased Mariah Carey's new one and it is a pretty good one too. Any good CD recommendations out there?

oh my blog

I don't get it!!! I have been trying to post a permanent blog roll on my blog and I just do not get it. I am computer stupid!!!!!!! How long does it take a college student to make a blog roll? In my case, she, obviously being me, will probably never be able to figure it out. All the codes and stuff are just way too confusing. <;:ah2> huh???? I have resorted to asking my companies computer tech for some expertise. Surely I will be able to come up with something. I am determined to learn how to do it, do it right, and just get it done!!!!! Has there ever been anything you could not figure out and you were just so determined to overcome it and beat it????

BLOG ROLL

http://www.dawsonsrejects.com/blog/

http://www.dznln.blogspot.com/

http://everythingisthere.blogspot.com/

http://kazuyainedmond.blogspot.com/

http://www.xanga.com/okieblokie

http://blog.myspace.com/sonrisa19

http://www.megspage06.blogspot.com/

http://bearsnaomi.blogspot.com/

http://1969joy.blogspot.com/

http://tallyhaasy2.blogspot.com/

http://adawhitney.blogspot.com/

http://yournixfix.blogspot.com/

New topic! I was watching Katie Couric this morning, which is routine while getting ready for work, and they were discussing the issue 'whether or not an empolyer should be allowed to fire or not hire someone becuase they smoke.' In Ohio, there is a company or are companies that practice this and it is not illegal. I have mixed feelings on this one. I am not a smoker and wish that the people closest to me, emotionally and most times those that are in my physical bubble, would not smoke. It gives you Cancer and you will more than likely die! For those of you who do not care and argue that we are all going to die sooner or later, that is fine, just don't blow it in my direction. I have enough things I do in my life that are going to kill me sooner or later and smoking is not one that I choose to die by. But, I am just not 100% sure that your employer should fire you for what you do to yourself on your PERSONAL time. I like to skydive, hike, rock climb, and anything else that could be potentially life threatening and adventurous, but it is done on my time and I should not be afraid I will lose my job over it. I can see their argument that health care costs are higher for the employees who smoke becuase of more requent health problems and sometimes cancer treatments that the company pays for. Is there not a way to make an addedum that states 'treatments to problems that can be directly associated with smoking are not going to be included in health care benefits provided by the company? ' or is it just easier to say "you're fired!"????? I heard they also provide counseling and treatments to those who are willing to try to quit smoking. Does this not cost money? Does anyone have any insight?? I would love to hear it!

Yukino and me in Vegas this past August. I am in the white. What you can't tell by this photo is that Yukino is a whole foot taller than me. But, you can see she is absolutely one of my more beautiful friends!!!!!!!!!!! Bonus points for me becuase I am a suck up!

Ok. So not only is it already a pain in the @$$ to go to the University workout facility becuase it is normally really busy with really young, good looking college sutdents, more than likely freshman; but do the the girls really need to wear as short of shorts as they are wearing? I think I saw the bottoms of a few butt cheeks that I could have finished the day without seeing. Not only do most of these girls show up to "work out" in really short shorts, but they barely mall walk around the track in groups of about 4 girls. This takes up the entire track and they are not even getting a workout at the pace they are moving; my dead grandmother could walk faster than they walk normally. They are probably afraid to move any faster than a snail in fear of actually breaking a sweat. The reason I mention this is because all these girls have full make-up on and probably do not want to mess it up...give me a freaking break already! If you work out anywhere, please try to wear something that your @$$ is not hanging out of and do not even think about working out if you need to wear make up. I am sorry if you wear make-up when you work out, but I think it is absolutely rediculous. I am only 23, not "fat", and I do not consider myself ugly and these girls get on my nerves! I can't imagine what my mom would think of it and I really don't consider her opinion on things.

Welcom to my blog! It is a great morning. Snow is in the air and it is chilly this morning. I love it when it is cold becuase then I do not feel guilty about all the coffee I drink on a daily basis. This is the only reason why I like it when it is cold. In the summer, I just tell people "at least I do not smoke." Anyone else have an addiction or habit to coffee or anything similar that is not really life threatening, just for pleasure??