A State of Mind

Is love a state of mind? I have always questioned how it is that we come to know that we love someone. Is it out of obligation, routine, or is is actually something larger than we could ever understand and we just succumb to this gripping idea of LOVE and loving someone else and even letting them love us in return?
Love was never a word that was often spoken in my household growing up, but it was at the same time, something that was always felt. I don't ever recall my mother or father expressing the actual world "love" to me until after I had already moved out of the house at age 17 and started college; even then, I do believe that I said it first. I could tell that the word coming out of my mouth was shocking and maybe a little uncomfortable for my mother and father and very suprising to me. I never realized that saying the word would be so trivial and tremendous all at one moment. One moment that I think has defined me ever since.
To this day, I have a very difficult time expressing the words vocally towards people I "care" about. I feel overhwelming discomfort and anxiety at the thought of knowing that I will need to reciprocate such expressive vocabulary. I have always had friends that felt it was normal and a part of everyday life to say "I love you" whether they are getting off the telephone, saying goodbye after lunch, or even writing it in an e-mail...all just to say "I love you." I believe I have said it more to friends in habit of reciprocation than I have said it to my own parents in my lifetime out of genuine gratefullness. But, I know with them, that they know I do love them.
How can we expect people to always know that we do love them? How do we know it is the right time and right person to express such a small yet incredibly powerful word? I have heard over and over again that "you just know." So, I am teaching and encouraging myself to trust in my own instincts in the matters of my feelings, even though I am probably the worst at expressing what I know is filling my heart. I have so much love inside of me to give out to all those that I know love me, but I hope my actions filled with love are enough until I figure out how to say "love" without someone saying it to me first.

Let Nature Take Its Course

Nature definately took its course and made my tiny getaway a big success. We had no idea that it was going to snow this past weekend and we were so pleased that it had. The ambiance of this cabin permeates you as soon as you pull in the dirt road entrance. The imagination is proven true to all of its anticipation as soon as we open the door and step into a cozy warm country home with its cinnamon and spice air. A definate success, a perfect little overnight or weekend retreat, and a place to feel like you are home away from home. The inability to use our cell phones, the cabinets and refrigerator stocked for our taste buds, and a crackling fireplace to accompany you as you read a book from the wonderful collection supplied in their bookcase. A strong recommendation from me anytime and I know I will return soon.

A little R&R at a little B&B

Oh, I am so excited about tonight! I have reserved a little log cabin north of Luther for the night. It is a 3 story log cabin, out in the sticks, with horses roaming the property, and a wrap around porch with little rocking chairs. It is through the Horseshoe Inn in Guthrie and I think it is going to be wonderful. I think the temperature will be getting down into the teens tonight, so the rock fireplace is going to be so nice to sit in front of. Another thing that makes this little love nest so nice is that the host of the B&B will come out the following morning and serve brunch. She also leaves food and snacks at the cabin for the evening. I will definately let you know how it all really is and get some pics.

Grey's Anatomy

I love Grey's Anatomy. I love it more than Desperate Housewives. The episode tonight was especially gripping with the bomb in the cavity, Bailey refusing to give birth because her husband is being operated on by McDreamy, the chief having an anxiety attack, and Meredith possibly dying!!!!! wheewwww. That is a lot. Oh, and the two sex kittens in the linen closet...can't forget about that. I really wish McDreamy would tell Miranda he loves her and leave his cheating wife!!!!!!! Arggggghhhhhhhh. And how dare she yell at George. George is so sweet and innocent. I can't wait for next week!!

Bachelor Blog

Here is a wonderful blog if you like The Bachelor. Very funny commentary.
Enjoy!!!!!!!
http://thebachelorrecaps.blogspot.com/

Adopt a dog

I have really been wanting to adopt a furry and loyal friend. I have been looking online at various dog rescue sites and local shelters. I have some favorite types of dogs but not sure how it would be to own one. I am also unsure of health problems that some of these shelter and adopted pets would bring along with them, but at the same time, some of these animals need just as much love as any human being. I went to Paws on Parade at PetSmart last weekend, and my heart just sank for all the lonely and homeless puppies and dogs. I almost feel guilty and selfish for wanting a full breed and fully healthy dog. These are some breeds of dog I am thinking of purchasing: Brussel Griffon, bulldog, rottweiller, golden retriever, maltese, yorkshire terrier. All are really cute when they are little and normally grow up to be pretty good looking dogs. Does anyone have any suggestions or tips on any of these dogs? I would love all the dog advice I can get. Here are just a couple of sites I have checked out.
http://www.1-800-save-a-pet.com/shelterpages/70397.html -Edmond Shelter
http://www.sgrr.org/ Oklahoma Golden Retriever Rescue
http://muttcats.com/shelters/oklahoma.htm Hurricane Katrina Relief

My Space

I used to make fun of people who used face book and my space. Most of my friends are using my space now, I was a little hesitant at first about its "coolness." After monitoring a few of my friends' my space accounts, my space has really grown on me. It is definately one of those things that you should "not knock it until you try it." I recently set up my own account becuase I think I like it better than blogger and it is easier to communicate with my friends. It is also easier to maneuver and add interesting facts about yourself, pics, music, and friends' links. I feel like such a lemming just trying to be one of the "cool kids." Oh, well. I have not added all my info on my space yet, I need to find the time to fill in my profile, but it is up and running. I would recommend My space to anyone interested in fun blogging and friendship communication.

Music to your ear?

I recently purchased a new CD. I have been wanting the new James Blunt CD and finally gave in to it. I love it. It is so relaxing and just has good songs. I love buying new CDs. For a while, I was buying new CDs left and right from Amazon. Amazon is a great site! I have been getting better about not just purchasing random stuff. CDs that I am looking forward to purchasing: Beyonce's new one, My Chemical Romance, Foo fighters, Coldplay, and many others that I need to find out the names of. I always love songs, but forget who sings them. I recently purchased Mariah Carey's new one and it is a pretty good one too. Any good CD recommendations out there?

oh my blog

I don't get it!!! I have been trying to post a permanent blog roll on my blog and I just do not get it. I am computer stupid!!!!!!! How long does it take a college student to make a blog roll? In my case, she, obviously being me, will probably never be able to figure it out. All the codes and stuff are just way too confusing. <;:ah2> huh???? I have resorted to asking my companies computer tech for some expertise. Surely I will be able to come up with something. I am determined to learn how to do it, do it right, and just get it done!!!!! Has there ever been anything you could not figure out and you were just so determined to overcome it and beat it????

BLOG ROLL

http://www.dawsonsrejects.com/blog/

http://www.dznln.blogspot.com/

http://everythingisthere.blogspot.com/

http://kazuyainedmond.blogspot.com/

http://www.xanga.com/okieblokie

http://blog.myspace.com/sonrisa19

http://www.megspage06.blogspot.com/

http://bearsnaomi.blogspot.com/

http://1969joy.blogspot.com/

http://tallyhaasy2.blogspot.com/

http://adawhitney.blogspot.com/

http://yournixfix.blogspot.com/

New topic! I was watching Katie Couric this morning, which is routine while getting ready for work, and they were discussing the issue 'whether or not an empolyer should be allowed to fire or not hire someone becuase they smoke.' In Ohio, there is a company or are companies that practice this and it is not illegal. I have mixed feelings on this one. I am not a smoker and wish that the people closest to me, emotionally and most times those that are in my physical bubble, would not smoke. It gives you Cancer and you will more than likely die! For those of you who do not care and argue that we are all going to die sooner or later, that is fine, just don't blow it in my direction. I have enough things I do in my life that are going to kill me sooner or later and smoking is not one that I choose to die by. But, I am just not 100% sure that your employer should fire you for what you do to yourself on your PERSONAL time. I like to skydive, hike, rock climb, and anything else that could be potentially life threatening and adventurous, but it is done on my time and I should not be afraid I will lose my job over it. I can see their argument that health care costs are higher for the employees who smoke becuase of more requent health problems and sometimes cancer treatments that the company pays for. Is there not a way to make an addedum that states 'treatments to problems that can be directly associated with smoking are not going to be included in health care benefits provided by the company? ' or is it just easier to say "you're fired!"????? I heard they also provide counseling and treatments to those who are willing to try to quit smoking. Does this not cost money? Does anyone have any insight?? I would love to hear it!

Yukino and me in Vegas this past August. I am in the white. What you can't tell by this photo is that Yukino is a whole foot taller than me. But, you can see she is absolutely one of my more beautiful friends!!!!!!!!!!! Bonus points for me becuase I am a suck up!

Ok. So not only is it already a pain in the @$$ to go to the University workout facility becuase it is normally really busy with really young, good looking college sutdents, more than likely freshman; but do the the girls really need to wear as short of shorts as they are wearing? I think I saw the bottoms of a few butt cheeks that I could have finished the day without seeing. Not only do most of these girls show up to "work out" in really short shorts, but they barely mall walk around the track in groups of about 4 girls. This takes up the entire track and they are not even getting a workout at the pace they are moving; my dead grandmother could walk faster than they walk normally. They are probably afraid to move any faster than a snail in fear of actually breaking a sweat. The reason I mention this is because all these girls have full make-up on and probably do not want to mess it up...give me a freaking break already! If you work out anywhere, please try to wear something that your @$$ is not hanging out of and do not even think about working out if you need to wear make up. I am sorry if you wear make-up when you work out, but I think it is absolutely rediculous. I am only 23, not "fat", and I do not consider myself ugly and these girls get on my nerves! I can't imagine what my mom would think of it and I really don't consider her opinion on things.

Welcom to my blog! It is a great morning. Snow is in the air and it is chilly this morning. I love it when it is cold becuase then I do not feel guilty about all the coffee I drink on a daily basis. This is the only reason why I like it when it is cold. In the summer, I just tell people "at least I do not smoke." Anyone else have an addiction or habit to coffee or anything similar that is not really life threatening, just for pleasure??